You do not need alcohol to be brave.
You do not need alcohol to be brave.
I can do this. I can be alone in one room with all sorts of liquors and not feel the need to open one of the bottles. I can stand here and admire the modern interior of the hotel room, the expensive looking wooden floor, the white couches, the glass table… the white shelves and cabinets that look like they hold tons of great bottles.
My heartbeat increases, my eyes focusing on that cabinet before me. Just three steps separates me from it. Three steps and I could—No.
No, I can’t. I promised myself I wouldn’t. I promised to be a better version of myself. To stay strong.
But it’s just one drink…
“Are you okay?” Grey asks and lays a hand right onto my shoulder. My head snaps into the direction his voice comes from.
Only when my eyes meet his dark ones do I realize my heavily rising chest, my shaking hands.
The moment before I answer Grey, I take a deep breath, closing my eyes to gather myself again. And then I nod.
“I’ve been sober for almost nine months,” I tell him. Honestly I’m not sure from what day people normally count their sobriety, but I chose the day I went to rehab because that’s when my journey began. “It’s not usually a problem but sometimes it’s still difficult especially when I know I’m alone in one room with alcohol, you know? It’s fine though, I promise. I wasn’t going to drink anything. Okay, I was thinking about it, but I stayed strong. Mostly.”
“I’m glad you did.” This time, there’s the slimmest smile ever on his lips as he speaks. “You can be really proud of yourself,boyfriend.”
I groan, tilting my head back in my neck. “I’m not your boyfriend untilatleastthe fifth date.” It’s a lie, but he doesn’t need to know.
I grin at Grey, watching the tug on his lips fall back into his usual frown.
Ah, there he is: the Grey I know.
“You’re not planning on driving back to Malibu at eleven p.m., are you?” he asks, ignoring my somewhat plea for him tofinallyask me out on a stupid date.
He doesn’t have the time for one, I know, but he could ask anyway. Asking now or in a month won’t make a big difference.
“Nah, I can stay another hour, it’s fine.” I follow Grey over to the couches, taking a seatrightnext to him. I think he hates it, but I don’t care.
Our thighs touch slightly, and so I spread my legs just a little bit to increase the contact. He scowls at me but all I do is smile at him innocently.
“You could spend the night here, you know?” he says, shocking me there for a moment. Grey did not just ask me to spend the night in his hotel room, I wouldn’t believe it even if I was dead. “Spares you three hours of driving.”
My smile widens once more, and I know he can sense what I’m about to say without him having to say it. He rolls his eyes, then gestures for me to go on.
“If you’re in love with me, Grey Davis, you can just say it.”
Chapter 13
“I wish I could make myself stay”—Grace by Bebe Rexha
November 2022
I can’t remembera time when I spent a night with someone in the same hotel room without having sex. Miles is excluded here, he’salwaysthe exception.
The most surprising bit, Luan and I didn’t even share a room. I mean, yes, technically we did, but I’m talking about bedrooms. Since I had two bedrooms, Luan slept in one and I took the other. I did give him some of my clothes though, just so he wouldn’t have to sleep in his.
When he got here, Luan was all colorful. He wore a bright yellow shirt with some sort of affirmation. Somehow, that shirt hoodie is justhim. He wore jeans and white shoes, something bright.
After I gave him some of my clothes, I really had to force myself not to laugh. The image of the bright shining Luan Hayes in black clothing… it was hilarious to say the least. It was not him at all, and still it looked good.
I’m just about to walk out of my bedroom when my phone rings. Not having a clue who would call at six in the morning, I immediately go to pick it up without checking the caller-ID first. “Hello?”
“What the fuck did you do,” my father’s voice comes through the phone, harsh as always whenever he talks to me. But what did I do? I don’t know.
