“Ever heard of blind dates?” Sun nudges me with her elbow.
“It’s not a blind date if I know who I am dating.”
My sister jerks around, looking at me. Her eyes narrowed, a sheepish grin on her lips. “So hedidask you out on a date!”
“No.” He said he’ll be waiting for me. That’s not asking someone out, is it? Even if it was, why would Luan askmeout? I barely provided him with answers, let alone was kind to him. “Besides, Sun, I am not even interested in dating anyone at the moment. I’m playing for the pros now. It’s off-season, but still, I am an NHL player now. Getting into any form of committed relationship right now is stupid.” Who even said something about commitment?
“Each of your best friends are in one,” she reminds me.
“Aaron and Sofia met when they were like three years old. They’ve been separated longer than every now and then during a hockey season, they’ll survive. And Colin and Lily have been dating for almost a year now as well. They’ve had their time. If I started dating someonenow, I’d have what? Two months to get to know them before I’m constantly on the road. Besides, I only have about a month in the year to come back to Malibu, so getting involved with some local here is the stupidest thing I could ever do.” Not to mention, if I ever dated someone from Malibu, my father would officially disown me more than he will the second he’d learn I date aman.
As he would say it; I can do myunholybusinessfar away from where he has to witness it. Malibu is his. New York mine. If I don’t play by his rules in his territory, he’ll get rid of me in all ways possible.
“That poor guy looks depressed,” Sun says, ignoring my attempt to talk myself out of going down there. “He could use a midnight kiss.”
I don’t even want to get to know this guy. He seemed a little annoying if I’m being honest. A little too… happy. I’m not used to happiness, except for my sister’s but I grew up with that girl. She sees rainbows on rainy days, and sometimes, even that’s too much for me to handle. Imagine what my life would be like if I lived with another one of those kind of people.
Miles had his moments. He is a sunny person but has been put through too much to really let it show. Most of the time, he only gets all hyped when his daughter is near so she would only ever see the best of him. And I like that about him. He’s broken like every other person, but he would never let his kid see that. That’s the only reason I survived the past four years with him.
“That only works on New Year’s.”
“Nope. Midnight kisses are great. Ever tried it?”
Can’t say I have. “I am not discussing any of this with you.” She’s only eighteen. If I ever talk about lovers to her beyond the potentiality of dating, please shoot me in the head. Or better yet, make it painful and torturously long.
“I am just saying, Grey, kissing someone at midnight is a different kind of intimacy. It’s rare. God, or a midnight kiss in the rain! Even better.”
“Sun, if you—” I stop myself from continuing my sentence without even realizing.
Remember when I said the people from the beach couldn’t see me well enough to know it’s me? I was wrong. The same curly headed guy who managed to confuse me more than my best friend’s four-year-old daughter when she asked me whether animals get frustrated when they make sounds to speak to us, but we don’t understand them, is staring at me.
How can someone ask someone else out without asking them out?
Imagine I went down there expecting this to be… a date? And then it’s just two strangers hanging out. Maybe we won’t even talk. Maybe he didn’t even want us to talk but just suggested I go to this party and make some friends because, apparently, I am lonely.
I’m usually really good at reading people, but this guy just hacked my entire system. Everything screamserror.
What do I do?
I should call Miles; he’ll know what to do. No, he’ll say it’s a date and then proceed to book the next flight here to witness my embarrassment.
“What would happen, Grey? So then it’s not a date, big deal. You’ll never see him again anyway. It’s not like you’re planning on coming back here for the next ten years.”
She’s right. The next big birthday is my father’s sixtieth. My mother never celebrates, so I don’t have to be there for her fiftieth. Which means my nextforcedreason for coming back to Malibu is ten years in the future. Even if I embarrass myself, I’ll never have to see Luan whatever-his-last-name-is again.
“You’re right.” I nod, convinced I’ll be able to make my way down to the beach. Walking back into my bedroom, I only faintly hear my sister following me. “I’ll go there and down a few drinks, then come back and complain to you about how badly tonight went.”
“Sounds like you.”
I stop in my tracks, taking a deep breath. “It does, doesn’t it?”
Don’t get me wrong, I love my sister. Sun is the only reason my stay here is bearable. Without her, being in one room with my father at any hour of the day would be as awkward as spitting at someone while talking and they notice.
I tell her everything, mostly because she’s the only one who knows what my life is like. The only person who understands me without me having to explain why I can’t just rebel against my father. In the eyes of most people, I should tell my father to fuck off and let me live my life. But if I did that, I’d face consequences that I’m not sure are worth it.
If I had to choose between my family or my own happiness, I’d choose my family. If my father disowns me, I’ll never seeeitherof my siblings again. My mother will walk right out of my life like she never gave birth to me. I’d never exchange a single word with my cousins again, my aunts or uncles. They’ll all be gone. So, yeah, if choosing to keep the people I love in my life kills my own happiness, I’ll take it.
Miles wouldn’t understand, which is why I don’t tell him any of this. He grew up with a very loving father. And he himself wouldalwaysaccept Brooke the way she is. He’d want to help me, and as much as I love that about him, him trying to help me is only going to cause more problems.
