“You can stay here if you want. I don’t have an extra bedroom, but I promise my bed is more comfortable than any guest bedroom one would be,” I offer.
Please stay.
Please stay.
Please stay.
“I can sleep on the floor.” Grey stands, stretching once more. This time his hoodie pulls up when he reaches his arms over his head, revealing a little bit of his skin underneath.
“You’d break the floor with your abs, and to avoid that from happening, you’ll have to sleep in my bed, sorry.” I’ve seen him half nakedonce, and I haven’t been the same ever since. He is all muscles, tattoos, and perfection.
“I’d break the floor, huh?”
I stand, closing the gap between us. My chest is now pressed to his, but he doesn’t step back, neither do I. “Together, we’d break more than the floor.”
I think he’s either processing my words, or considering my subtle offer because at some point, his eyes somehow turn a darker shade, and he licks his lips like he doesn’t know what else to do.
“That’s a poor-quality bed then,” he ends up saying. I knew he would say anything but acknowledge my attempt to seduce him. Attempt number five-million-six-hundred-thousand-three-hundred-and-four. I don’t even do one-night stands.
“Who said anything about a bed? I was talking about… hearts. Together, we’re going to break a whole lot of hearts because everyone loves me, and when we’re together, you’re the only one I want to love me. And you’ll be the only one I’ll love. Hence, a whole lot of broken hearts.”
He hums, knowing very well that I’m trying to bullshit him.
“You know, back in high school, I had just came out as gay, not on my will but I suppose the news was out so therefore me too, anyway, the guys used to hate me and exclude me everywhere possible. Some even insisted I go change in the girls’ locker room since they don’t have dicks. I didn’t tell them that’s not how ‘being gay’ works, that I didn’t crush on either of them, because they gotreallyjealous when I hung around the girls all the time and neither of them so much as glanced their ways anymore. My point of this story is, I broke the guys’ hearts without even realizing because one of those guys had amajorcrush on Doro, but she hated him because he hated me, so every attempt of his to flirt with her got rejectedbig time. It was kind of hilarious.”
“Only you would find bullying hilarious.” He takes a step back this time, but I step closer again.
“Oh, no, no, no. I didn’t find the bullying hilarious. That traumatized me so much, I woke up each morning and started to cry because I didn’t want to go to school. I had to see a therapist for years after still. But I found the way they acted when they realized what they’ve done hilarious. The regret. Even to this day some still try to reach out to me to apologize.”
One even thought I’d turn his son into a star one day. He deadass came to my pitch, stood that littletwo-year-old in front of me and said, “He wants to play soccer, can you make him a good one so he can play professionally one day?”
First of all, it’s not really in my hands whether someone is a good player or not. Sure, I coach them, but I can’t predict the way they can comprehend everything, the way they learn or turn out. It’s a matter of skills. Like drawing.
Yes, you can learn how to draw, it takes time and many nerves. Soccer does too. You’re not magically good at any skill right from the start. But without the kids’ willpower, nobody can do anything to better them. A teacher can only do so much.
Telling someone to turn a human being into something big is like visiting Sweden without being able to speak Swedish but expecting to understand and speak the language anyway.
“I’m sorry about that, Luan. You didn’t deserve that.” His features soften a little. If only he knew how much even the little moments of him putting down that hard exterior means to me.
“Well, you don’t deserve what they’re doing with you at the moment either.” And it’s mostly my fault. If I hadn’t said I was Grey’s boyfriend over a year ago, nobody would’ve suspected anything, I think.
“It’s nothing I’m not used to already.”
Before this could get any more depressing, I grasp Grey’s hand in mine again, the tingles from earlier coming back even before our hands touch.
Pulling Grey after me, I lead him into my bedroom. His eyes instantly fall to my bedroom window, looking out.
“You really do have a great view of my bedroom,” he says with the slightest of chuckle in his voice. You can’t really see anything because we’re too far away, but last year, when Grey was visiting his parents, I could see shadow-him walk around at night when the lights were on.
“Yeah, it’s really disturbing. The amount of times I had to watch you fuck other people…” I roll my eyes with an exaggerated sigh. I have not once seen anything, which I’m thankful for.
“Is that so?” Grey turns to me, his eyebrows raised, a smugsmiletugging on his lips.
I nod, closing my bedroom door to distract myself from the view. But when I turn back around I gasp because Grey just stands there. Close to me. Likereallyclose to me. So close, I can feel his hot breath roll over my skin.
My back hits the door behind me, my eyes locked with his as he hovers over me. He doesn’t move in to kiss me, and as much as I want to lift my face to his to do so instead, I don’t.
Call this me making sure I’m not forcing anything. I don’t care how long it’ll take, if I have to wait six hours or six years, I will not make the first move. I will not kiss Grey unlessheinitiates it. Even if the thumping heart in my chest is begging me to do it.
