Sure, I wished Luan was Brooke instead, but the longer I went without an alcoholic drink, the more I understood why she couldn’t do this with me.
I barely remembered anything from the past weeks, but I knew I was using Brooke big time. I knew she tried to be there for me, she tried to talk to me and get me to stop drinking, but I didn’t let her help me.
The guilt of how I treated her clawed at me, and though the grief of losing my father caused a significant amount of pain now that I had to feel it, mistreating the love of my life hurt so much more. She didn’t deserve that.
“Can I take anything? Like… painkillers?” I asked, sounding so weak, I could barely recognize my own voice.
“I don’t recommend it,” he replied. “And you’re notphysicallyin pain, anyway. I know it feels like it, but you’re not. All this pain you’re feeling, they’re symptoms of withdrawal. Also, they’re normal pain from grief. Painkillers won’t actually help you.”
“So, it’s all in my head?” I looked at my trembling, sweaty hands. “I’m not sure if I can handle this, Luan.”
He took my hands in his, smiling at me softly. “You’re stronger than you think. Getting sober sucks, and it’s horrible… but you will feelsomuch better once you’re past the first couple of days. It’s only getting better from here.”
I knew he’d been through this before, I should’ve trusted him, but my mind was clouded with doubt and fear. What if I was never going to get better?
I’d been told that I was lucky since I hadn’t been drinking for years and only a few weeks, but I certainly didn’t feel lucky.
“Remember who you’re getting sober for, Reece,” Luan said when he noticed my hesitation. “It’s not for Brooke. It’s not for Colin. It’s not for your parents. You’re getting sober for yourself.”
“Right.” I took a deep breath, trying to muster whatever strength I had left in me. “How long am I going to feel this way?”
“Just a couple more days.”
“Days?” Oh, God.
“Yeah… but, as I said, today is the worst day you’ll have to endure. You’ll already feel better tomorrow. It’s still going to be tough, I won’t lie, but better.”
“Okay.” I got this. I could do this, hopefully. “And then… I can see Brooke tomorrow?”
He chuckled lightly. “If you want to.”
“Yeah, I want to.”
52
BROOKLYN
The first week was the worst, but Luan had already told me that it’d be the worst one.
Luckily, Reece wasn’t technically an alcoholic. He wasn’t always drunk after his dad passed, more often than not he only had a drink or two a day to stop his thoughts, but sometimes he drank so much that he blacked out.
It was still bad, but not the worst possible situation.
And it was a good thing it hadn’t been years, just slightly over a month since it started.
Luan said it was going to be easier to get that under control than stopping an alcoholic from drinking. And I had faith in him.
Still, Reece looked like a ghost of himself in that first week. He’d called me multiple times a day starting on day four, and sometimes he refused to video chat because he didn’t want me to look at him.
Reece told me that he didn’t have any cravings per se, but he got nervous when he didn’t have a drink that day. He was constantly tired, and sometimes he’d call me in tears, begging me to make this pain stop.
Colin got him a therapist, and as far as I knew, Reece had a session with him every other day.
I wanted to be with Reece all week long, but I knew it was for the best if I stayed away. At least for now. We’d try a sleepover at my dad’s place in a couple of days just to see how he’d react.
Sure, we could just go back home but we’d be all alone there, and that was a bit scary. Like I told him, I’d lie for Reece even if I shouldn’t and I was so afraid to make everything worse. At my parents’ place, we had my parents there as well as my siblings, so it was easier not to give in to him.
It took me way too long to get help, just because I believed Reece’s drunken lies, and I wasn’t going to make that mistake again.
