It wasn’t true, but I never said anything about it because I didn’t care what other people thought about me.
Sure, I was a bit more active, especially when I was currently single. But that wasn’t a crime. And it certainly didn’t make me the guy Tori said I was.
But Alana believing her over me stung.
And Alana thinking I was stupid or desperate enough to fool around with Tori Caldwell herself while I was falling forherwas… it was like she was ripping my heart right out of my chest.
The worst part, however, was her insinuating that she expected it to happen because of the very reputation Tori set up for me.
I thought she knew me better.
I didn’t know how to tell my mom though, but I forced out the truth anyway.
It took me a hot second to tell her everything. Tell her how I didn’t care about what Tori said about me, but how it ultimately destroyed everything Alana and I had going.
Or maybe she didn’t destroy anything. Maybe this was just the easy way out for her. Who even knew how Alana viewed our relationship to begin with? She didn’t tell me.
“Mom, I didn’t know… I didn’t think I’d end up… likethis.” My eyes closed as I tried to suck in a breath. “Why does nobody ever like me, Mom? I know I did this to myself, but… why? Why did I fall for her, Mom? And why can’t anyone ever like me back?”
I thought Alana did, or at least Ihopedshe did.
In my mind, everything we did together couldn’t have been platonic. It couldn’t have been casual.
Guess it was for her.
“Oh, Eden,” she whispered, cupping my face with both of her hands. “Did you?—”
“I might be the most unloveable person on the entire fucking planet,” I interrupted, my voice cracking. “I know it was a deal. I know I wasn’t supposed to fall for her. But I thought she likedme. We kissed. We…” I sniffled lightly. “I really don’t think Tori ruined it. Alana and I spent so much time together besides what we agreed on. And she still doesn’t like me. She still only sees me as the guy Tori made me out to beyearsago. I’m never enough for anyone.”
“That’s not true. You’ll be more than enough for the right people,” she said. “You’re a wonderful person, Eden. Anyone would be happy to have you in their life.”
“You have to say that because you’re my mom.” I pulled away from her instinctively.
Mom shook her head. “I mean, sure, part of me likes to believe all my kids are amazing people, but that’s no reason for me to lie to you. Whether you want to believe me or not, youarea loveable person. And deep down, I’m sure you know very well that you are. You can be so proud of the person you have become.”
My gaze fell to my hands in my lap, watching as I played with my fingers. “You were already married at this time at my age while I can’t even… God. I can’t even find someone who doesn’t see me as this spoiled, rich kid who only cares about himself, partying, and fucking around.”
“I was only married because your father thought he needed my hel?—”
“Ididneed your help,” my father’s voice interrupted. As I turned around, I saw him leaning against the doorframe, arms crossed over his chest. “Okay, and I might’ve been a little dramatic about it. But it worked out, didn’t it?”
Since I was sure he’d heard most of our conversation, I didn’t bother to catch him up to speed. “It worked out for you. I’m still just… me.”
“And what’s wrong with that?” Dad’s question hung in the air almost like a dare. Like he was ready to fight me right on the spot if I said the wrong thing.
I let out a heavy sigh, running a hand through my hair in frustration. “Everything, Dad. Everything is wrong with that.”
He pushed himself off the doorframe and walked over to the couch, taking a seat on the free side of me. “You know, your mom couldn’t stand me when we got married.”
“Miles…”
I looked at my dad, nodding softly. “Doesn’t mean Alana is magically going to like me. You were lucky.”
“I was lucky,” he agreed. “But so are you.”
“How?”
“You know who you are, Eden. You know what you want to do with your life even though you pretend you don’t. You’re fortunate enough to have friends who called you all week long to ask how you’ve been doing. You have a family who loves and supports you no matter what, not everyone gets that. And I know, this doesn’t make up for the fact that you love someone who doesn’t return those feelings. It sucks,” he said. “It’s awful, and believe me, I know what that’s like. But if that one person makes you believe you’re not good enough, then they don’t deserve your love. The right person will make you see that love is unconditional. They won’t care about your name, some stupid rumors, or a college reputation.”
