“Hey,” Austin said, appearing beside me again. “You look like you could use a warm body.”
I laughed dry and humorless. “You’re exhausting.”
He grinned. “And yet you keep running into me.”
“No, I just keep going to my classes. You’re the one who won’t take a hint.”
That seemed to shut him up, at least for a minute.
“You know, I get it,” he said eventually. “You and Eden… whatever that was. I just don’t get why you’re still hung up on him when you could have someone who actually wants you.”
I turned to him slowly, anger rising in my chest. “You don’t want me. You want what Eden had.” Austin blinked. “You only started paying attention to me once he did. That’s all this is. So don’t pretend it’s something more.”
He opened his mouth, but I didn’t give him the chance to respond. I walked off into the rain, soaked within seconds, but I didn’t care. I needed to feel something, literallyanything, that wasn’t this hollow ache in my chest.
By Friday, everything felt heavier. Finals loomed, but I couldn’t bring myself to study. Every time I sat down, my thoughts wandered to him. To the time we baked anything and ended up with charcoal. To how he danced like a maniac just to make me laugh when I was having a bad day. To the voicemail I never listened to.
I still hadn’t deleted it. I couldn’t.
Some part of me believed that if I listened to his voice, I’d break.
Saturday morning, I woke up with his name on my lips.
I stared at the ceiling, wondering if he hated me now. If he wished he’d never proposed that stupid deal. If he’d already moved on.
Maybe he had.
Maybe he was already baking muffins with someone who didn’t doubt him, who didn’t question everything good that came into her life.
Maybe that’s what it all came down to.
I wasn’t used to things going well. To people choosing me without a motive. And when Eden did, I sabotaged it because I didn’t believe it could last. Because people like me didn’t get the kind of happiness he offered.
I told myself I was protecting my heart.
But all I did was break his.
Sunday was quiet. Too quiet.
I tried calling my grandpa just to hear another voice, but even that felt wrong.
I sat on my bed for hours, phone in hand, debating whether to text Eden.
Just to ask how he was.
Just to say sorry.
But what was the point? I’d said everything with my silence already. He didn’t need another half-hearted attempt from me. He deserved better than that.
Still… I typed out his name.
Deleted it.
Typed it again.
Deleted it again.
I hated myself for being a coward.
