“I was wrong for that. And you didn’t deserve it. Any of it.” Her voice cracked a little. “I’m just… I don’t know. Stupid, maybe. Or scared. I’ve spent so long doing everything on my own that the idea of trusting someone felt impossible.”
“But I thought you trusted me,” I finally spoke, feeling as my heart sank a little deeper. Maybe I didn’t want to talk to her after all. As it seemed, I was only going to get hurt even more.
“I did,” she said quickly, almost panicky. “Idotrust you, Eden.”
“It doesn’t sound like it.”
Alana sighed. “I know. God, I’m just not good at this.” She covered her face with both of her hands for a moment, taking a few quick breaths before blowing out some air and settling her gaze back on me. “Look, I don’t want to make excuses for what I said because nothing could ever make it okay. I was being a brat when I said what I did. I know you’re nothing like Tori said. Even when she published that article, Iknewyou didn’t do what she claimed you did.”
I nodded cautiously, unsure of what I was supposed to do at that very moment. “But?”
“I’m used to having nobody but myself to rely on. You frightened me. The attention you gave me, the honesty, and all those things you said. You meant well, I know that. But it scared the shit out of me,” she told me, tears in her eyes. “I told myself that you were just playing with me. You know that I never thought of myself as someone who was worth being loved. So when you showed me otherwise, it scared me. I got so used to you being there for me that I couldn’t help but end it once the smallest window for me to run opened. Because if I stayed and you didn’t like me the way I hoped you did, I was going to get hurt.Again. I was trying to protect myself, but instead I tortured myself. The worst part, though, was hurting you.”
I wanted to step closer, cup her face with my hands and tell her that it was fine. I wanted to tell her that I loved her and that it was okay. That I knew she didn’t think too good of herself. That I knew she couldn’t believe I loved her. But I was willing to fight that problemwithher.
But I couldn’t just yet.
Alana’s eyes closed for a second, then fluttered right back open. “I thought I was doing the right thing for the both of us, but I was wrong. So wrong, and I am so,sosorry for that. I’m so sorry for everything I put you through. And I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness or a second chance, but I’m still hoping that maybe one day, you will forgive me. But even if we never get a second chance, I need you to know that I’m sorry and that I love you.”
My heart stopped.
My lungs forgot how to work. For a second, the room seemed to tilt, the air suddenly thin. “W-What?”
“I love you,” she repeated. “I’ve loved you for a while, actually.”
My fingers curled at my sides, nails digging into my palms as if the sting might ground me. I stared at her, searching her face for the slightest hint of lies—some sign that I’d misheard, that this was another misunderstanding.
But there wasn’t one.
Alana loved me.
After everything. After the nights I’d spent replaying every word between us, wondering where it had all gone wrong. After the anger, the confusion, the hollow ache I’d carried around like a second heartbeat.
And now she was standing in front of me, saying the one thing I’d convinced myself I would never hear.
It felt like a dream.
Before I could even begin to wrap my mind around it, she continued to ramble. “I know this might be too late, and like I said, you don’t have to forgive me. I just wanted you to know.”
“Okay,” I said in a breath, though I had so much more to say.
“You know, for a moment, I thought being with you felt like jumping off a cliff with no way to escape. The only direction Icould see was down. But even if it’s only going down, you still deserve that apology and my truth.”
I swallowed hard. The hurt in her voice made my chest ache.
Finally, I stepped closer, just enough to see her properly, to look past the fear and guilt in her eyes.
For just a moment I couldn’t care less about an apology. I didn’t want one. And, alright, that was probably wrong of me, but all I wanted was her back.
She was here. She was at least trying to fight. It was more than I was willing to do.
“What if it wasn’t?” I asked quietly.
She blinked. “Wasn’t what?”
“What if it wasn’t down?” My heart was pounding, but I didn’t stop. “What if it felt like falling because we were supposed to? But what if we weren’t crashing?”
She stared at me.
