“Are you close to yours?” I asked carefully, a little afraid I was pressing too much for an answer. There had to have been a reason she never talked about them, right?
My worries were quickly proven right because Alana shook her head at me.
God, that must’ve been awful. I couldn’t imagine a single day without talking to my parents about literally anything. Sometimes, I even called my mom just to tell her I saw a bird outside.
“I used to be,” she told me, her voice soft and wistful. “But things changed after my mom got very… angry at me.”
“Angry how?” We reached the top of the stairs, and though I probably should’ve opened my door and pushed her inside, I didn’t want to bring that conversation into my bedroom.
I didn’t care if we were going to fuck anymore or not, it was up to Alana anyway, and the last thing I wanted was to press for sex when she was opening up to me. Or make her feel like she had no other choice in any way.
Also, what if she saw the bed and stopped talking because she expected me to jump her bones? I couldn’t risk that.
Alana took a deep breath, her eyes flickering between our intertwined hands and my eyes. “I don’t know. My mom just started hating me, which my dad didn’t like.”
Her gaze settled on the floor, no longer moving up.
“She always thought I was too fat and was constantly trying to put me on a new diet. When I was eleven, she stopped going outside with me and was too embarrassed to have given birth to such an ugly and fat daughter. And I’m the only daughter, too, so it was even worse for her,” she told me. Alana sounded sad, but she wasn’t shedding tears.
“Mom used to do beauty pageants, and she wanted me to be just like her. I remember she always said that I’ve got to be very skinny in order to participate and win, so obviously, she tried to get me there. Sometimes, she’d even tell me I couldn’t eat dinner because I’d eaten enough in my life. I was going to survive missing out on one meal each day.”
“That’s terrible,” I said quietly, my heart aching for her.
I couldn’t fathom a mother treating her own child like that. It was so beyond cruel.
God, no wonder Alana thought of herself the way she did.
But she was so amazing. So pretty. And so goddamn beautiful in every way.
She was never going to see it, I feared.
Alana sighed, her shoulders slumping. “Dad didn’t like the way she treated me. They were constantly fighting, and my brothers were always so mad at me because it was my fault our parents couldn’t stand each other anymore. Even my brothers started calling me fat and told me to finally lose the damn weight so our parents could be happy again. I shut everyone out, even my dad, though he always at least tried to make me laugh despite everything. He moved back to Italy when I was fifteen and I haven’t spoken to him since.”
I shouldn’t have asked, I knew that, but I couldn’t help myself. “What about your mom?”
Alana finally looked up, shrugging. “I haven’t seen or spoken to her since I moved out for college. It’s better that way, though. I don’t regret not being in touch with them, really. I talk to my grandparents a few times a week on the phone, so at least there’s them. But having a loving family amazes me.”
“You didn’t deserve that,” I said, moving closer to her. “I’m so sorry.”
She gave me a soft smile. “It’s alright. I’m way happier without them, I promise.”
I wrapped my arms around Alana, holding her in a tight embrace as if I could shield her from any more pain that way. She rested her head against my chest, and for a moment, we just stood there in silence.
I couldn’t imagine the strength it took for her to even leave that awful household. And how strong she had to have been to restart her life all on her own at eighteen. And she was only a year older now, so those wounds weren’t old. Yet somehow, despite all the things she told herself that couldn’t have been further from the truth, she was truly amazing.
“I’m here for you, always,” I finally said, pulling back to look at her. I brushed a strand of her brown hair away from her face, smiling back at her.
“You can be there for me without your clothes on.”
I gasped offendedly, though the corners of my lips were lifting into a smile. “God, I knew it. You just wanted me to feel sorry for you so you could get some pity sex.”
“Of course.”
34
EDEN
Alana stood at the edge of my bed, her eyes glued to the floor while she was fidgeting with her hands. At least she wasn’t trying to hide her body anymore, so that was good.
