For a second, my breath catches, and my heart stops. I’m back on my knees in front of the stage. Harsh words about my failure and my salvation buzz in my ears. Phantom pain lashes across my back. I feel the belt over and over again as it hits my bare skin. I can’t breathe. A strong hand cups the back of my neck, and gentle, firm pressure breaks through my consciousness.
“You’re safe and with me, Colton. Breathe, a stór.” He cups my cheek with his other hand and forces me to look at him. “He’s the one who beat you?”
I can only nod, not trusting my voice. In Ronan’s beautiful green eyes, I see his concern for me turn to something darker, something lethal. The switch should be alarming, but I know he would never hurt me. He turns toward Jeremiah.
“Your life is forfeit.” The calm way he says that statement sends a shiver down my spine. When he’s like this, he truly is my darkness. “Colton, do you need anything from this dead man?”
“No.”
“Good enough.” He picks up a large hunting-style knife and walks behind him. “Look away, a stór.”
I keep my eyes locked on Jeremiah’s face. He shows panic and fear in every feature. Every fucking time this man caused those same looks to innocent people of the congregation fills my head. So no, I’m not going to look away. I’m going to watch as Ronan takes his life.
“Colton,” Ronan calls to me.
“No. I want to watch.” I glance at Ronan and then back to the piece of shit. “I want him to see me as he dies. I want him to know that he didn’t break me.”
Ronan nods. I’m starting to read him more easily now. He doesn’t want me to be here, but he knows this is what I need.I watch as Ronan slips the knife into Jeremiah’s flesh. Ronan’s arm flexes its hold on his neck as the knife is slid farther in. The gurgling sounds that Jeremiah makes are the only sounds in the room. I see the exact moment that life leaves this worthless man’s body. I’m not sure what I should be feeling. I should be thrilled that this man is dead. I should be jumping for joy. But I feel nothing, empty inside. I’m glad he’s gone, but I don’t understand the numbness.
The sound of running water seeps into my consciousness. Ronan is washing his hands in a sink that I hadn’t noticed before. I watch his hands as he dries them on a paper towel. My eyes are still fixated on those hands when he stops in front of me.
“What do you need?” he asks.
I take his hands in mine and kiss his knuckles. I kiss the hands that have slain my enemy. The hands that not only bring me pleasure but also peace. I can feel that down to my bones, but nothing else is registering in me. “I don’t really know. I feel empty.”
“It’s actually called emotional numbness. It’s your brain’s way of dealing with all of this.”
Of course, Ronan would know the medical term for what’s happening to me.
Chapter 38
Ronan
I don’t want Colton here for this, any of this. But if he says he needs it, then that’s what he gets. When Colton punched his father, it was a little shocking. I didn’t expect him to react physically. I can’t blame him; it’s what I would have done. But then again, I’m sure my family’s actions and mine are not the norm. He’s emotionally numb right now. His brain is not processing what’s happening. He needs to step away before the effect is too much for him. That thought pulls me up short in my thinking. I’ve never cared how anything affects another person before. But suddenly it’s all that matters to me. I want to protect him, and that means mentally as well as physically.
“Colton, look at me.”
The side of his face is resting against my hands. He’s gripping them tightly between his own. His soft, smooth cheek rubs against my knuckles, but he makes no move to lift his head.
“A stór, look at me,” I say gently. He turns his face to mine. “It’s enough. You got your answers as fucked up as they are. Be done with this. Please.” That last word comes out of my mouth with a plea. I need him whole, and he being a part of this will break him. He may not realize it, but it will. He turned away when I was working on his parents, but he heard the screams. Hewatched as Jeremiah’s life was ended. He doesn’t need more in his head.
“I want to see it through,” he whispers. Before I can argue with him, he adds. “But you’re right, I need to be done with this. They don’t matter anymore.”
My body relaxes as I wrap my arms around him. Colton will never have such a weight on him again. Not as long as I’m alive. He’s come so far by himself. I’ve always had the backing of my family, so the fact that he has done everything alone makes him strong. All the data should add up to his failure, but it doesn’t.
“I want to go home.” He says quietly. “I want to forget all of this.”
“Home?” I ask.
“Your place. I want to go back to your apartment. I want us to have dinner with Ollie, read him a story, and watch him fall asleep. Then I want to crawl into bed with your arms wrapped around me.”
“We can do that. Go back upstairs and wait for me. I’ll be there in a minute.”
He looks at me, and I can see it in his eyes that he wants me to go with him now. It hasn’t been that long ago that I needed him to tell me what he was thinking. Now I am starting to read him, not in everything, mainly in the big emotions.
“I need to finish this for you and Ollie. Go wait for me.”
He nods, and after placing a soft kiss on my lips, he heads back upstairs. I watch him leave. I expected his body language to be defeated, but he holds his head up, and his shoulders are back. Good.
