“You may find that to be more of a challenge than you anticipate.”
“Why?”
“Lydia has spent a long time thinking about romance and reading all kinds of books. She will not admit it, but she has an idea of what kind of man and what kind of courtship she wants. I fear that the reality will not be what she expects, but she will always strive to capture what is in her imagination.”
“I am sure it will not be as drastic as all that. Some dashing man will come and sweep her off her feet, and then I can be away.”
“And leave everything behind.”
“Exactly.”
“Do you think your parents would be proud that you are following in their footsteps, or would they urge you to stay at home and be with your family?” she asked.
It was a question that cut to the heart of Edmund’s conflict, and he could not imagine anyone else having the courage to ask him. And she was the only person to whom he would give an honest reply.
“I am not sure it matters.”
“Why?” she asked.
Edmund’s throat went dry and deep, and long-held emotions started to rise inside him.
“Because they are dead. It no longer matters what they think. And even if it did, why would I trust their judgment when they left us?”
“If you are angry at them leaving you, then does that not make you a hypocrite? You are leaving your family as well.”
“I am not leaving children behind.” Edmund’s words were so thick with emotion that he almost choked on them. “We werebarely old enough to take care of ourselves. Lydia was still just a girl, and they chose to leave because they could never decide what kind of life they wanted. They tried to make it work, having a settled family and a life of adventure, but it was impossible. I am nothing like them. I stayed, and I took care of Charlotte and Lydia because I had no other choice. Because they left meno other choice!”
His words grew heated, and he began to shake. He stopped walking. Tension captured his muscles, and his hands curled into fists. Rose put her hand on his arm and looked at him imploringly.
“Edmund, I am sorry. I did not mean to make you feel this way.”
“It is not your fault,” he said bitterly, turning away from her. “It is theirs. It all started with them. I know I should honor them, but since they died, all I can think about is how different things would have been if they had just taken their responsibility as parents seriously and stayed with us. Instead, I had to do it for them, and I had to sacrifice my ambitions and my dreams for Charlotte and Lydia.
But now I am at a point where I do not have to think about them as much, where I know they are taken care of. So I have already made up for my parents’ mistakes in one area, and now I can make up for them in another. I can finish their expeditions, but I will never give myself to two lives. I have given myself to my family, and now I must live for myself.”
“And there is no room for anything else,” she said.
He looked at her, and for a moment he thought that things could be different, but in the end he shook his head.
“No,” he replied.
Rose’s shawl started to slip from her shoulders. She stopped for a moment to adjust it, and he decided to slip away, darting down a dark, shadowy path. He waited and peered through the hedge. He could see her looking for him, and then heard her call his name. She then called for Jenny, who had somehow become lost in the maze as well.
“I hear you, my Lady, but I can’t see you! I am coming, I have just gotten all turned around,” Jenny yelled, her shrill voice breaking the stillness of the night.
Edmund moved like a hunter, creeping along the twisting paths. He had been through this maze many times before and knew where every path led. He doubled back on himself and then came up behind Rose. His footsteps were silent. He reached forward and grabbed her.
She shrieked, turned, and then scowled. She beat his shoulder.
“You are impossible!” she cried out again.
Elsewhere in the maze, Jenny seemed quite concerned and cried out that she was coming to Rose’s aid.
Edmund was laughing.
“Why would you do a thing like that?” Rose said.
“Because the conversation was getting far too serious for my liking. Come. We are close to the end,” he said, grabbing her hand and dragging her forward. Rose could do nothing but follow as they ran through some twisting paths and then emerged into the middle of the maze.
