“No, nothing happened. And that is precisely the problem.”
Lydia rolled her eyes and crossed her arms. She remained standing while he was sitting, and her demeanor reminded him of when their mother used to scold him.
“A problem of your own making, I would wager. Why did you let this happen, Edmund? Are you so content with being seen as a rake that you cannot bear for anyone to have another impression of you? Because we both know that it is a lie. You have done enough for Charlotte and me to prove that you care. There is no harm in admitting that you want something genuine,” she said.
“Lydia, please, I do not wish to speak of it.”
Edmund’s head dropped, and he adopted a sullen expression. Lydia shook her head with dismay.
“I will never understand you, Edmund.”
“You know, Lydia, in this light, you are just like our mother.”
“And I wish she were here because perhaps she could speak some sense into you. I know how Rose feels about you. And I thought I knew how you felt about her. What could possibly have gone wrong?”
“Sometimes feelings are not enough, Lydia.”
“I do not understand.”
“I am not here to make you understand.”
“You are acting as though you are not here at all. I have never known you to be like this.”
“Perhaps I just need a respite from society after the party. It was draining.”
“You have never had this issue before. This is about Rose. Edmund, I may seem harsh, but I say this for your own good. Let go of your pride. Embrace these feelings. Love is a wonderful thing, and you should not turn your back on it. I know I was concerned at first, but I have seen the change in you. I know that these feelings are genuine, and in truth, I can think of no better partner for you, and indeed, no better partner for Rose. I would be thrilled if the two of you were married. She is like a sister to me already, and I would be honored to call her family. You could have so much happiness, and instead you want… this?”
As she spoke, she picked up the bottle of port. The liquid sloshed inside the bottle, and Lydia wore a look of disdain.
“It is not as simple as that, Lydia. You were too young. You did not have the same lessons from our parents as I did. They taught me that we can never have everything in life. Sometimes we need to compromise, and that is what I am doing now.”
“Compromise? And just what is your compromise? What could you possibly have to give up for Rose? I cannot imagine there is anything that is worth more than her,” Lydia said, fire coming toher cheeks, her words bursting out of her lips as if they had been shot from a cannon.
Edmund ran his tongue along his gums and then inhaled deeply. He supposed there was no point in hiding things any longer. Lydia was going to find out the truth anyway. At least this way, she might understand, and she could make peace with the decision he made.
“I am leaving,” he said.
Lydia stared at him for a few moments.
“Leaving? What do you mean you are leaving?”
“I mean exactly as I say. I want to be away from here. I have wanted this for a long time, ever since I was a boy. I remained in London to take care of you and Charlotte, but you are older now, and you do not need me. I am finally free to pursue my own adventure. That is why I cannot marry Rose, because I will not remain in London. I will not sacrifice my dreams any longer.”
Lydia’s face changed, the emotions shifting from anger to confusion and disappointment.
“Dreams are nothing when compared with reality, and Rose can bring far more to your life than any adventure could. I cannot believe that you would truly leave us now. Do you not wish to see Luke grow up? And what of me? I thought you wished to arrange a marriage for me?”
“I have left you written permission for marriage. I trust your judgment, Lydia,” he snorted with laughter. “I trust your judgment far more than I trust my own. I am sure you are more suited to finding a husband than I am. Besides, you have Alfred and Nathaniel to ensure your protection, while Charlotte and Mary will be there to offer support. You do not need me.”
Lydia approached him and leaned forward, forcing him to look her in the eyes.
“I do need you, Edmund. You are my brother. I love you.”
“If you love me, then allow me to do this. I know you are friends with Rose, and I regret that I hurt her, but this desire has been in my heart for a long time. I have always wanted to leave London, and now I finally have the chance. I was going to wait until you were betrothed before I left, but I think it is best for everyone if I depart as soon as possible.”
“It is not best for everyone, Edmund. It is not best for me, for Rose, or for you. I think you are scared. I think you are a coward because finally, something substantial has entered your life, and you are afraid of what it might bring. You do not need to leave London to find adventure, Edmund. Sometimes the adventure is in the people around us. For you, adventure’s name is Rose.”
“It was not that way for our parents. They had each other, and yet they craved adventure.”
