“Rose…”
“Why do this, Edmund? Why come back only to unsettle me? Why torture me like this? I had accepted my life before you. I never wanted love or hope, but then you came along… and here you come now, seeking affection yet in the same breath telling me that you are leaving again. How do you expect me to react, Edmund? What do you expect me to do, beg you, implore you to stay, only for you to resent me in the coming years?”
“I would never resent you, Rose.”
Rose started to push him toward the door. “You must leave, Edmund. Thank you for the dog and thank you for the memories. Know that I do not hate you; I only hate what I have become because of you. My worst fear has come true. I have become a wretched, forlorn woman who is utterly hopeless. Leave and enjoy your grand adventure. I think I have had enough of living life for now,” she said.
Edmund faced the door and knew that he could easily step through, but something stopped him. He clenched his jaw. He thought about the open world and knew that he would never find anyone like Rose again, and suddenly his desire for adventure was blunted. The only adventure that really mattered was in all the moments he could spend with Rose.
Even so, to wrench himself away from the future he had always envisioned for himself was no easy task. He was frozen at the doorway, knowing that the decision he made would stay with him forever. The threshold beckoned, and he was caught between the boy he had been and the man he had become.
Then, a moment of realization and clarity came over him. It was time to seize the life he wanted, even if it meant giving up something that had been precious to him for a long time.
“Rose, I was always angry at my parents because they could never settle on their choices. They either lived an adventure or lived at home, but I understand them a little better now. Sometimes you can have both. You are more than I ever expected to find, and I never wanted to make you feel this way. I know that if I step through that door, I will be leaving you forever, and I do not seem to be able to do that.”
He turned to face her. It took a great deal of willpower to bring his body around, but he did so, turning his back on the door that led to the wider world, dispelling the dreams he had carried with him since he was a boy. Tension ran through his body, but the longer he looked at Rose, the surer he became that he could not live without her.
“What are you saying, Edmund?” Her voice trembled with emotion.
He took her quivering hands and looked into her profoundly beautiful eyes, and suddenly clarity came to his mind.
“When I am with you, I know what I want. I know who I am. I have been fighting it all this time because I have been afraid. After what happened to my parents… I wanted to embrace life but also keep aspects of it at a distance. But there are many different ways of dying, and I believe a life without you is one of them. I love you. I can’t live without you.”
The words tumbled from him as though they had been unlocked from a vault. As he gazed into her eyes, he started to understand that she held his fate in her hands. His parents had taken risks by venturing into the unknown, but here he was doing the same thing with Rose. If she should tell him that she did not wish to marry him or that she did not share his feelings, then life held no meaning at all.
“Rose… say something. Please. Anything,” he begged, and Edmund was not accustomed to begging for anything. There was an imploring look in his eyes, and he needed her to say something, even if that thing would shatter his soul and leave his heart bleeding in her hands.
Rose’s face was a picture of shock.
“Edmund… I cannot deny that I have longed to hear you speak these words, but how can I trust that you mean them? How can I believe that you will be happy with me when you have made it your entire persona to look to the horizon? What happens when you grow bored of me? The horizon will always be there to catch your eye, and I cannot be with someone when I cannot trust in the future. I would rather live alone.”
“You know me better than that, Rose. You have seen a side of me that has been kept hidden from everyone. I can only give you my word and pray that it is enough. I promise you that there is no other future I want. There is no other company I want. If I cannot be with you, then I hope I am struck down by lightning as soon as I step outside, because life would not be worth living. I love you, and I want to give you everything.”
Rose continued to stare at him, but she had not taken her hands away, which he took to be a good sign. Her head dipped, and she tore her gaze away from him, and he feared that the rest of her would follow. He released one of her hands and then placed his fingers beneath her chin, lifting her head so that their gazes met once again.
“I will swear on anything you ask me to. I promise all of myself. I would renounce my titles, my lands, anything. Only you matter, Rose.”
“I can’t imagine Lydia or Charlotte would look too fondly on me if I ask that of you,” she said quietly.
“So be it. I mean it when I say I will do anything. I will chase down every stray dog in London and give them a home if you ask me.”
He ran the back of his fingers across her cheek. She blinked slowly, and he could feel the tension ebbing away from her. She leaned into his hand and exhaled slowly.
“I am not sure that will be necessary, Edmund. If you… If you mean what you say...”
“I do, Rose. I do, with all my heart.”
“Then there is only one thing I can say in return.” The words came out, riding a long exhale. “Edmund, I love you too,” Rose said.
He closed his eyes for a moment, as if the words settled something deep inside him. Then he stepped closer, holding her hands more firmly, as if afraid she might disappear.
“But you must not give up your dreams,” Rose added softly. “I will not be the reason you turn away from them. If you wish for adventure, then we shall have it together.” She gave a small, careful smile. “Though… perhaps not in the jungle, if it can be avoided.”
For a second, Edmund simply stared at her. Then a short laugh escaped him, full of relief and something lighter than he had felt in a long time.
“I believe that is a fair compromise,” he said.
Before she could say more, he pulled her into his arms, lifted her from the ground, and kissed her—no hesitation this time, no doubt, only certainty.
