‘Very. It’s quite mild. A bit cloudy but it hasn’t rained.’
‘That’s lucky.’
‘Look,’ he went on, seriously, ‘I didn’t want to disturb your holiday. But when Lily said?—’
‘You were worried, I understand.’ She sounded staccato and faltering; she barely recognised herself. ‘He’s been moody and difficult since we got here, but I think I’ve got to the bottom of it.’
‘Really? Go on.’
‘I-I can’t talk about it now,’ she stammered. Sasha. The name was whirling round her head, which had started to spin, and she feared she couldn’t hold it together much longer. ‘It’s not the right time.’
‘Why?’ There was a pause, then, ‘Stella, are you all right?’
A thick mist seemed to creep over her eyes, disfiguring her vision.
‘I-I need to see the others. I’ve been out all day. Thanks for phoning. I hope you enjoy the rest of your holiday.’
With that, she just managed to make out the off sign on her phone and press it, before flinging the mobile, face down, on the grass.
Her heart was thudding and her chest was so tight, it was as if she’d run a marathon. Clenching her fists, she dug her nails into the palms of her hands to stop them shaking, and gasped for breath.
The blood was pounding so loudly in her ears, she couldn’t think, couldn’t even cry. Something was crushing her ribs and she feared her heart was about to burst open.
Through the fog, she heard her own faint voice telling her to breathe slowly, in and out, in and out. She started counting backwards – one hundred, ninety-nine, ninety-eight, ninety-seven, ninety-six, ninety-five – and gradually, her pulse began to slow.
Of course she’d suspected Al was seeing someone, but she had secretly been hoping she was wrong. The truth hurt like hell.
How foolish she’d been to imagine there could ever be a reconciliation! After some of the unkind things she’d said to him, it was a miracle he was even talking to her.
The saying –you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone– never rang more true. He’d always had her back and she’d trusted him completely.
He’d been a great husband and dad and he’d tried so hard to be there for her when Harriet died, but she’d scorned his love and driven him away. She didn’t deserve him.
Cupping her forehead with her palms, she stared at the ground. All the light seemed to have gone, leaving her with nothing but her own black thoughts.
Another nasty saying came to mind –you’ve made your bed, now lie in it.
Letting out a groan, she rose clumsily and picked up her things. Everything felt heavy and seemed to hurt: her head, back, shoulders and knees – and most of all, her heart.
Whatever happened, though, she couldn’t show Lily and Hector she was sad. She needed to disguise her suffering and be strong for them.
As she made her way slowly towards the villa, she made a conscious effort to smile and walk tall. No one would see her despair or guess what had caused it. She was going to have to put on the performance of her life.
* * *
A loud splash followed by a burst of girlish laughter told her at least one of the children had jumped in the pool.
Instead of going into the house, she ventured straight to the back garden, where she found Hector, Will and Amelia watching Lily attempting a handstand in the water.
Her legs waved wildly and before long, she toppled over.
‘That was rubbish!’ Will shouted gleefully when she came up for air. ‘Ten seconds. A five-year-old could stay up longer than that!’
Lily stuck out her tongue.
‘Come on, Hector!’ she said. ‘It’s your turn.’
It was only then Stella noticed her son was in his bright-blue swimming trunks for the first time since they’d arrived in Crete.
