Stella found herself picking at a scab on her lower arm. She couldn’t recall how or when she’d got the cut. Anyway, it didn’t hurt.
At last, his talking began to slow.
‘Enough about me.’ He sighed. ‘How are you? What’s the place like?’
She looked down at the scab and frowned. Blood was oozing from one corner of the wound, threatening to make a mess of the beautiful white sheets. She should have left well alone.
Glancing round in vain for a tissue, she realised the only thing for it was to lick her arm clean. The metallic taste of blood made her nose wrinkle.
‘Stella? Are you still there?’
‘What? Yes, sorry. It’s beautiful here.’ Already, fresh droplets of blood were appearing, like little crimson bubbles on the surface of her pale skin. ‘The house is gorgeous. It feels weird being away, though. Also, Hector’s being really difficult. I hope I’ve done the right thing, making him come.’
Jon coughed. She could imagine him knitting his brows and smoothing down the unruly tufts of brownish-grey hair that grew on either side of his bald patch.
‘You needed a holiday, Stella.’ He’d adopted his stern headmaster’s voice. He was the principal of an academy in south London.
‘You must look after yourself. You’ve had so much to deal with recently. Try to relax.’
‘It’s not that easy—’ she began, but he’d already moved on.
‘I should probably get away myself for a while,’ he mused. ‘It might help. I can’t imagine what it would be like without Harriet, though. I’m not sure…’
His voice tailed off and Stella felt a whoosh of compassion; she wanted to give him a great big hug to take away the pain.
He was alone and lonely. Once, it had been Jon and Harriet; now it was just Jon. The couple had talked about travelling round Australia in a camper van when Jemima left home. So many dreams, never to be fulfilled.
‘How about going to see Jemima in Exeter?’ Stella suggested. ‘You could have a long weekend there, maybe find a nice hotel for you both, or a bed and breakfast by the sea?’
Jon hesitated for a moment while he thought about it.
‘It’s a tempting idea,’ he said eventually, ‘but I don’t want to cramp her style. She’d feel she had to look after me the whole time rather than go out with friends. I don’t want to be a burden to her. She’s got enough on her plate with her studies and all her clubs and social activities and things.’
Stella sighed. ‘I guess.’
She was tired and had run out of inspiration. She felt deflated and a bit of a failure, but Jon seemed content just to have her ear.
‘Thanks for being so kind and lovely, Stella,’ he said warmly, before giving a great big yawn, which made Stella yawn, too. ‘We’d better both grab some sleep now. I’ll call you again tomorrow, if that’s okay. Honestly, I wouldn’t be able to get through any of this without you. I’d be a total wreck.’
* * *
After hanging up, Stella fell asleep quite quickly, but woke again at around 2a.m. and was unable to drift off for quite some time.
It had been the same story back home, ever since Harriet’s diagnosis, and Stella had become accustomed to listening to music or playing silly games on her phone in the wee small hours. If she lay wide awake for too long, her worries would grow so huge, she’d feel suffocated.
Tonight, though, instead of turning on the light, she tossed off the covers, because she was too hot, and was content to let her mind wander. It took her back to a happy weekend she’d spent with Al, Harriet and Jon some four years ago, before life had turned upside down.
It was February time. There was no special occasion, but it was so rare for the two couples to be together without the children, they’d decided to push the boat out. Harriet knew a lovely old hotel in a small market town in north Norfolk, not far from the beach. They’d driven from London together in Harriet’s smart black four by four, with Jon at the wheel, and had hardly stopped talking and laughing from the moment they left to the moment they arrived back home.
Al, an architect, had been particularly busy on a big extension project for a wealthy, demanding Surrey couple. Meanwhile, Stella’s decision to advertise her business in a local glossy magazine had resulted in a raft of new orders. They’d hardly seen each other, they were both exhausted and a break was just what they needed.
It was Stella who’d suggested the trip over lunch at Harriet and Jon’s one Sunday, and the pair had leaped at the suggestion.
‘How about staying somewhere near Holkham beach?’ Harriet had said. ‘It’s one of my favourite places. It shouldn’t be busy at this time of year.’
Stella and Al, who’d never been to that part of the UK before, had felt quite giddy with excitement when they’d said goodbye to Hector and Lily and driven off, waving from the car windows until they were out of sight.
Al’s parents, who lived near Oxford, had agreed to come to London to stay with the children, then fifteen and ten, and Stella knew she could relax, because Hector and Lily would be well looked after and they’d all have fun.
