‘Hi! D’you mind if I join you?’ a voice called.
Surprised, Cleo sat bolt upright and stared at the shadowy figure of a woman a little way off. She was partially hidden by trees on one side of the lawned area and it was only when she stepped out of the thicket, Cleo realised who it was: Maya.
‘I saw you walking in this direction,’ Maya said, before Cleo had a chance to reply. Tash was sitting up now, too.
‘It’s so early to go to bed,’ Maya went on, coming to halt in front of them. ‘I couldn’t possibly sleep. Is it OK if I sit with you for a while? I won’t stay long.’
It wasn’t what Cleo and Tash had planned, but Cleo’s slight irritation soon melted away. Maya sounded so uncharacteristically humble – almost shy – it was impossible to say no to her.
After glancing at Tash, who gave an almost imperceptible nod, Cleo patted her blanket.
‘Of course. Come and sit down. We were just looking at the stars. They’re so bright tonight.’
‘They are,’ Maya agreed, settling down carefully beside Cleo, drawing up her knees and hugging them tight. ‘I used to know all the names, but I can’t remember them now.’
There was a pause when Cleo glanced at Maya. Her head was bent backwards and she was staring up at the sky, biting her lip. You could tell she wasn’t really focusing on the stars, though.
Cleo had a strong sense Maya wanted to say something but was too nervous or embarrassed, perhaps, to speak. Intrigued and puzzled at the same time, Cleo decided to help her along.
‘Are you married?’ she asked gently, as an opener. ‘Have you got any children? Tash and I have talked a bit about ours.’
‘I’m divorced,’ Maya replied, matter-of-fact. ‘Long since. We were only married a year. I have one son, Adam, who’s nineteen. He lives with his father and his second wife in Texas. I rarely see him.’
Tash made a noise, like a squeal. ‘That must be awful. Do you miss him?’
‘Not really,’ Maya admitted. ‘He was mainly raised by his dad. They moved to Texas when Adam was four. I had a big job and was working incredibly long hours. David, my ex, was not a particularly successful writer – very part-time. He offered to take Adam to the US with him – he’s American and wanted to move back. It made sense, so I said yes.’
Both Cleo and Tash were quiet for a moment. Cleo was thinking, she couldn’t possibly imagine a situation where she’d have consented to Paul taking her children to live abroad, however hard she was finding it to juggle work and childcare. She’d rather have died than not see them from one month to the next.
‘Does Adam come over here to visit, or do you go there?’ Tash said, sounding as nonplussed as Cleo felt.
Maya lowered her head and rested her chin on her knees.
‘When he was at school, he used to stay with me for a week or two in the summer holidays. But then he got to an age when he didn’t want to any more. He had his life and his friends in El Paso, where they live; he didn’t want to hang out with me. He hardly knew me.
‘I flew there a couple of times but it was pointless. He was so busy with his soccer matches and his mates, I barely saw him. We speak on the phone occasionally and FaceTime each other at Christmas and on his birthday, but that’s about it. He knows where I am if he wants to see me again.’
She sounded very sure of herself and her choices, but Cleo was beginning to suspect at least some of her bullishness was a defence mechanism. Certainly, something in her expression now suggested she wasn’t quite as strong and invincible as she made out.
‘Maybe you could go and see him now – while you’re on sabbatical?’ Tash proposed brightly. ‘You could take him somewhere nice? I bet he won’t say no to a free holiday.’
Cleo watched Maya carefully and noticed her blink several times before swallowing.
‘I-I’m not really on a sabbatical,’ she said with a stammer, before clearing her throat. ‘I was made redundant.’
Cleo couldn’t hide her surprise. ‘Oh!’
‘It was a complete shock,’ Maya went on, raising her chin again and staring into the distance. ‘I wasn’t expecting it at all. I hadn’t seen it coming. I knew they were planning to make cutbacks but I’d been there over ten years. They’d headhunted me and wooed me away from the firm where I’d been working with the offer of loads more money. I was one of their top performers. I never thought they’d get rid ofme.’
She turned momentarily to face Cleo with a look of such hollow-eyed desolation, it made Cleo’s heart ache. It was as if she could feel a chill seeping through Maya’s clothes into her own bones, making her shiver.
‘I’m so sorry,’ Cleo said, and Maya gave a grim half-smile.
‘My job meant everything to me,’ she said flatly. ‘It was how I defined myself. My value, all my sense of self-worth came from being a successful career woman. I even gave up my son to pursue the dream.’
She laughed without humour.
‘Nothing else mattered and now I have nothing. Iamnothing. Why on earth would Adam want to spend time with me when I can’t even bear to spend time with myself?’
