The loss of his presence stings somehow, takings me by surprise.
“Who was what, dear?” Her tone catches me off guard, and I study her. Her eyes once dark now shine of emerald, her hair no longer hides her features.
Fighting my confusion, I open my mouth to ask questions, but no words come out, so I close it again.
Defeated, I shake my head in disbelief. I need to escape this woman. “Never mind.”
“May I interest you in a skull? They’re two for twenty today.” She smiles.
I politely decline and walk to where the man was standing. He’s nowhere to be seen.
After pulling up to my apartment a while later, I sit in the car, debating with myself. Is all this crazy shit real, or am I having a fucking nervous breakdown? Closing my eyes, I lean my head against my steering wheel. The perpetual list of questions gnawing at me just seems to grow each day that passes. And all I can think about right now is, how I could really use a drink.
A light tapping on my window jolts me upright, and my sweet older neighbor Meg looks at me with concern in her eyes.
“Myssa, are you ok, sweetheart?”
She backs away a little so I can get out.
“Yes, Meg, I’m ok, just a rough day.” I sigh.
She puts her delicate hand on my arm and gives me a soft squeeze. “I’m sorry, dear, I was on my way out, but if you’d like to come by later, we could talk?”
Meg has been such a sweet neighbor and friend. Her kids are grown with their own kids and don’t really come out to see her. She’s always checked up on me, bringing me food and conversation after I told her about Nik.
“Thanks. I’m just working through some stuff. I’m going out tonight, so maybe that will help.”
She nods, and her eyes sparkle. “Oh, I’m so happy to hear that you are going out. Have fun.”
I smile and give her a reassuring hug before heading upstairs to my apartment.
After picking out one of the outfits I bought with Vix last week, I step into the shower and let the water wash over my thoughts. I escape into the warmth, even only if it’s for amoment. Taking slow, deep breaths, I let the steam cleanse my lungs. For a moment, I feel a strong sense of peace. But it doesn’t last long, as Jasper’s taunts begin to play on repeat.
“Guess you will have to find us to find out.”
Uncomfortable images plaster themselves across my mind, bringing guilt and shame, and my tears mix with the warm water trickling down my face.
I mean, it’s my fault this happened, isn’t it? I was supposed to go with her. I was supposed to keep her safe like I always did. But this time, she went out with people that didn’t have her back—they weren’t me. Theonetime I decided to stay home because of a migraine.Our last words were laced with anger.
One joint, one fucking joint—it’s not like we were strangers to weed, it’s just weed, for fuck’s sake. It was the fentanyl the weed was laced with that took her away from me.
One night and she was gone.
They just left her there, propped up against a dumpster behind the club. They could have tried to save her, but they fucking didn’t. Just left her to be found by a busboy who went out for a smoke. The guilt of not going consumes me again. My migraine sounds like such a shitty excuse now. I will never forgive myself for not being there.
A few hours later, I check my phone, noticing the clock turning eleven. Hell bent ongoing through with my plans, I put the finishing touches on my make-up. Looking in the mirror, I feel the most comfortable I have in a long time going to a club. I’d always dressed down going to the bars Nik wanted to go to, but tonight, tonight I was going somewhere for me. My black dress pants hug my curves, and my black button-down shirt shows just enough cleavage, making me confident with who I am.
To button up this outfit, I grab my black platform boots and slide them on. My phone vibrates next to me, and I finish lacing up quickly as I see a text from Vix.
Vix: You still coming tonight?
Looking at myself in the mirror, the question has me pausing for a second. Am I ready? My apprehensiveness sneaks in, shadowing me with doubt. But I know I can’t keep living like this, a recluse to the outside world. Taking a breath to control the inner turmoil and tamper down any doubts, I return Vix’s text.
Me: Yep, heading out now
Vix: Ok see you then.
I quickly go through my jewelry box and grab a few bracelets, my rings, and my skull necklace.
