“Look, she's one of my best friends, and so are you, so I’m going to say this,” he says as he picks up the pace.
I match his strides in irritation. He doesn’t need to lecture me about my feelings. I’m already at war with myself.
“Setting aside the madness with Jasper and everything going on in Aetheriem and the role she will play in this, just know that she has been through a lot.”
I nod at him to continue, but I can’t seem to silence my thoughts. I know what I feel whenever she is around, and I’m trying so hard to contain it. But it hasn’t been easy. Every time she’s near me, her pulse thrums under my skin. I feel her everywhere. The now-empty cavern with its repeated echoes of what once was, fills with the delusions of what I have always wanted it to be.
To be whole with the intricate workings of what should be.
I need it, and I’ve begged for it back, a reprieve from all the guilt I carry. Snapping me out of my thoughts, Knox continues.
“She lost her sister about six months ago. They called it an accidental overdose, but we all knew Nik, and she didn’t play like that. She started dating this guy and honestly, we all think he slipped or laced her with something. She was found laying by the side of a dumpster in an alley. They just left her there.”
I stopped peddling and looked at him, giving him my full attention. I know she mentioned it yesterday, but she never went into detail.
“There was an investigation, but it didn’t go anywhere.”
“So, they never found a suspect?” I ask.
“No, they haven’t. Pretty sure they gave up, too,” he says. “Myssa didn’t know anything about it except that the guy Nikwent out with was named John, and she said they met a few weeks before. She actually helped Nik meet the guy. She said they’d only had a few dates.” Knox looks around and lowers his voice, leaning towards me so no one else can hear. “Myssa and Nik were going to go out, but Myssa got a migraine and decided to stay home. Guess Nik made plans with this John guy, regardless. Myssa was woken up later by a knock at 2am. Two cops informing her about Nik and asking for her to identify her body. She was never the same after that—it devastated her. She’s been holding onto the guilt of it ever since.”
I lean back and process what he’d just told me. I can’t imagine how devastating that must have been. She has been through so much, and now we throw all this at her?
We get up from the bikes and move over to the free weights. This angle gives me a perfect view of Myssa at the circuit station as Knox continues.
“She just talked to her a few hours before that and everything was fine. It devastated Myssa, but she never really grieved that loss. She was cold and disconnected for months, and threw herself back into her work.”
“Fuck, man, that’s horrible,” I say, adding weights onto the bar.
“Yeah, it’s a lot. They had no real family. Their parents passed away in a car accident years ago, and they only had each other.”
I nod, trying not to stare at her.
“Vix and I kept tabs on her, making sure she was good, and it wasn’t until about two months ago that we finally got her back out of the house and coming out to the gym or doing something as simple as hanging out for coffee.”
I stand there, absorbing everything that Knox is saying, and the urge to protect her overpowers me again. I can’t imagine how hard that must have been, having her sister ripped away.
“I’m just saying, Z, if you plan on doing anything with her, know there are broken layers within that woman. She needs to heal, and she doesn’t need to get hurt by anyone else.”
I can respect Knox and the fact that he feels he needs to protect her as much as I want to.But there’s no way he’s going to keep me from her.
“Never planned on hurting her, Knox, but I can’t deny I feel something there. It's crazy that I have just met her, but I feel like I know her,” I say, sneaking a glimpse of her again through the mirror.
Standing at the abs machine, she puts her hands above her head to grab onto the bar so she can sit. As her shirt rides up, my stomach drops, and anger boils through me in an instant.
“What the fuck is that?” I say, gritting my teeth.
Knox looks through the mirror, following my line of sight, and notices it, too.He stiffens. “What the hell?”
We both drop what we’re doing and storm towards Myssa. She looks like she doesn’t have a care in the world with her headphones on, and I’m sure Knox and I look deranged, but I don’t give a fuck.
“What is that?” I point at her.
Standing back up to let go of the bar, she takes her headphones out of her ears.
“Hey, what’s up?” she asks innocently, and with a hint of confusion.
Knox, with the same amount of anger and concern in his voice, says sternly, “Myssa, what the hell happened to your stomach?”
