“Myssa, I?—”
“No, Zayne, it’s cool, we’re cool.” I stumble backwards a little bumping into another person and excuse myself as I turn towards the stairs.
“Myssa, wait…” I hear him shout.
But the tears are overflowing now, the rejection is overwhelming, and my heart hurts in a way it shouldn’t. I just fucking met him. Why is this ache so intense? I can’t breathe.
I can see Vix looking at me, her smile instantly turning to concern.
“Babe, are you ok?” she shouts.
“Can I have my purse, please?” I say, knowing I must look like a mess by now, barely able to make coherent sentences.
She hands me my purse. “I’ll text you when I get off of work,” she says.
I nod. It’s all I can muster as I run to the elevator. The doors open, and I’m grateful for the perfect timing as I keep my face down. I go to walk in, but I’m stopped by a wall of a man.
“Hey, Mys…” but just like Vix, Knox’s smile turns to concern. “What happened?”
“Nothing, I’m ok. I'll talk to you later,” I say, hitting the button. I can’t look at him, but I can feel him watch me as the doors close.
“FUCK,” I shout, letting out the frustration of what just happened, and the realization that I’m staying at fucking Zayne’s. How am I going to face him after this? I should have known. Why is this even a surprise? He got carried away in the moment, in a world that only seems to exist in our minds, while our bodies are here. Why does this always happen to me? Rejected yet again, and the sad part is, I know he’s attracted to me. But here we go, Myssa’s needs once again put on theback-burner for the greater good. Always for Nik’s needs, or my mother’s constant ridicule, and now all of this. Why am I not allowed to be selfish and have this for fucking me? When the doors open, I rush out, and I can’t catch my breath. I shove through people to get out the door, and I hear someone call my name, but I can’t look at anyone. I’m too raw, too exposed. The cool air of the night hits me, and I take a second to breathe it in.I gotta get out of here. I turn and walk down the sidewalk, trying to clear my head.
Chapter 25
Myssa
Isneak through the back door and manage to avoid everyone. The lights are still off in the loft, and a sigh of relief escapes my lips. I’m glad he isn’t here waiting for me. I can’t look at him right now. I can’t face whatever he’s going to say. I slowly make my way up the stairs and into my room, dropping my purse on the ground on my way to the bathroom. After washing all the make-up off my face, I brush my teeth and when I look up, I’m greeted by red puffy eyes and splotches all over my face. The tears start to fall again, as the look on his face haunts me. The pause of rejection had shredded any hope I had. The splinters of the aftermath wedged beneath the surface to poke at me as a reminder that I’m not worthy enough for love. After changing into sweats and a T-shirt, I see a slew of missed calls from Vix, Knox and Zayne, their messages flood my notifications.Don’t worry everyone, I won’t forget what’s important here. I sit down on the bed, and for a brief second I think that maybe it should have been me and not Nik. How bad could it be to switch places, right? I open Zayne’s messages and read them.
Zayne: Myssa please talk to me
Zayne: I’m sorry
Zayne: You left before I can explain.
Zayne: Please stay up and we will talk when I get there.
He didn’t leave a voicemail, and I’m not staying up.I’ve felt this rejection a thousand times, but with him, it’s crushing me. I know this sounds ridiculous, because we just met, that honestly, this shouldn’t be a big deal. So why the fuck is it? What is going on with me that I’m letting this take me to the darkest parts of myself? I wipe the tears from my eyes, and I turn my phone on silent. I crawl into the bed and close my eyes. I let the fear, the doubt, and the insecurities blanket me like an old friend. It’s what I’m used to. Tonight, I will let those feelings win. But not tomorrow. Tomorrow, I will be back wearing my perfectly polished armor, guarding my soul once again.
Zayne
Her eyes! God, her eyes, as she takes in the words I’ve tried to articulate but twisted within myself. The look of rejection, of despair. Her tears start to form as she backs away from my grasp. I feel it, all of it. It consumes me, and I can’t move. I can’t breathe. I watch her slip away from me as the melodic vibrations from the speakers echo around me.
I grip onto the banister on the dance floor, holding myself up.
“FUCK,” I shout.
Closing my eyes, I take a moment, memorizing what her lips felt like against mine, the warmth of her body, how sweet her taste was against my lips, and how her embrace made me feel.She doesn’t get it, no one would. I want it back, I want it all back, I want her—no, I need her. I need to breathe her in, consume her, feel her, but it’s slipping again.
“No,” I stammer out. The emptiness slowly claws at me with its outreached hands. I shake my head, and the thoughts swirling around in it make me dizzy. If anything, the one thing I will hold on to is that our brief intimate moment together meant something. Fuck, it meant everything. The dark cold emptiness left buried in me for so long was full, and the heart in my chest beat in time with hers, even if just for a moment. She was mine, she IS mine, and I will never let her go. Never.
Storming off the dance floor, I make my way to the staircase and up to my balcony. I can already feel the rush of him coming at me, but I ignore him.
“Z?” Knox asks as he comes towards me.
“I know,” I whisper, but the music is too loud for him to hear me.
“Zayne, what the hell?” “I know,” I repeat, opening the door to my office without bothering to close it.
