“What does it mean?” I ask him, and a small look of disappointment flashes past his eyes for a brief second.
“We’re still working on it, but after what you told me about Myssa and how strong she is. I have come to one conclusion,” he says.
Her name is like a lifeline off his tongue, pushing all my thoughts and questions to the wayside. I knew she was specialfrom the first moment I met her. Right now, she’s all that matters to me. The guilt of pushing her away tonight has been eating me alive since I lost the warmth of her touch. I need something to grasp onto. I need something that will ground me and give me confidence so shredded pieces of my existence can go on fighting. Protecting her with everything I am is my sole purpose, no matter how much my soul protests to make it more. Jess’s next words pull me out of my spiral, and I stagger back in disbelief.
“I don’t think Myssa is just an Original. I think sheisthe Original. The first human soul ever created.”
She is the Original.Putting my key in the door, I don’t even remember making my way here. Jess’s words just play on repeat, and when I enter the loft, I notice the small light under the shelf is on. A sign she’s home.Home. My home, this is where she belongs, with me. Heading up the stairs, I look towards her door, hoping to get a glimpse of her. My chest flutters excitedly as I notice her door open slightly, giving me hope that all is not lost with us. That after all this, there’s a chance. A chance she will forgive me for pushing her away. Jess’s words had made me double down on my thoughts.
Slowly, I open the door and walk in, seeing the silhouette of her angelic hair flowing behind her on the pillow. I can’t help but soak her into my memory. I want to know without a doubt she’s mine. She starts to stir a little, her brows furrowing as small whimpers escape her. I study her for any signs that she’s in Aetheriem, but when Nik’s name comes out, my heart breaks for her. I see a tear escape as her breathing becomes labored.
Concerned, I crouch down on the side of her bed. I smooth her hair and whisper, “Shhh, it’s ok, Myssa. It’s just a dream.”
In the moonlight, I see more tears making their way down her cheek, before I can stop myself, I wipe them away. Instantly, her eyes are on me.
“You're ok, Myssa, nothing is going to hurt you here,” I whisper. The hypocrisy of my declaration doesn’t escape me.
She doesn’t say anything, and my hand lingers for a moment, cupping her cheek. I find myself questioning my decision to keep her in the dark. Does she know what she means to me, and that in the end I will fight for her? Even if I have to die to make sure she lives.She is the Original,flashes back in my mind.
“Go back to sleep. I’m sorry to have woken you,” I murmur, standing back up.
And as I’m about to turn around, she grabs my wrist.
“Stay with me,” she pleads, desperation in her eyes.
I nod, walking to the other side of the bed, and I lay next to her on top of the covers. I slide my arm around her waist, pulling her towards me with the blanket between us.
Laying my head on her pillow, I breathe in this moment, and the feelings starting to come back again. This is how it is going to be now every time I’m around her, and I’m going to have to get used to it. Longing to always be close, but putting a barrier between us. There’s too much at stake, and I can’t risk it. Just the thought of Jasper laying hands on her again is enough to infuriate me. Because if he does, there’s no question, no doubt in my mind I would burn both worlds to save her.
“I’m so sorry I hurt you today, Myssa,” I say.
“I know,” she says sleepily.
When I feel her breathing steadily, and a small snore comes from her lips, I softly whisper, “No matter what happens, what skeletons are unearthed, what damage becomes of it, please know my feelings are real, and that moment was everything. Myheart and soul are yours. Yours to keep or yours to throw away. Just yours.”
I let the release of my confession take over and consume me, and in this moment, with her in my arms, I drift to sleep.
Chapter 26
Myssa
The brightness of the morning makes me groan, and I lay still for a moment, thinking about last night. I try to figure out how I’m going to avoid Zayne for the day, but my eyes open wide when I realize I’m not alone. Zayne’s arm is still wrapped around me, and then it comes rushing back: The nightmare I’d had about Nik, and Zayne waking me up, and his apology.
Why does he have to be so confusing? Hot as sin and working me into a frenzy, only to push me away, but then apologize? Where does that put us? I close my eyes, enjoying the warmth and safety I feel being this close to him.
Just a friend. He's just a friend, Myssa. He's made it clear it can be nothing more, and my heart shatters all over again. The pieces of my armor I’d meticulously put back together, fall apart all over again. The insecure voices creep back up to the surface, to remind me how unworthy I am.You're not good enough for love, remember? You’ve been told that your whole life—you were the accident that wasn’t meant to be.
Nik was the only one who truly loved me. Our parents may have had me first, but I ended up being the disappointment, the fuck-up they couldn’t fix. My mother’s constant beratingand abuse was never believed by my largely absent father, who stayed away as much as he could, working two jobs. When Nik was born, my mother practically worshiped her. Nicole was everything, the model child.
Nicole, you look so beautiful this morning.
Nicole can get any man she desires—just look at her.
God, you’d think I’d be use to rejection after how much I’ve gone through. It’s why I have been so guarded, with no boyfriend in sight. I never thought love was meant to be for me. But, for a brief moment, I let the myself believe maybe this time was different. That Zayne was the one, it didn’t matter this was so new.
His touches, his urges, the way he knew how to worship my body said otherwise, God, the worlds stopped. It was the purest most raw feeling I’ve ever had. He gave that to me; he stripped my armor off for that brief moment. But when the reality of our world came to, he lit me on fire at the stake with so few words. The air had been sucked out of my lungs as I watched myself burn from the rejection.
Taking a deep breath, I wipe the tears already flowing down my face. This is going to be so complicated, but like always, I will take the friendship, because that seems to be all I’m worth. To be loved, but never for anyone to be in love with me. Maybe I was cursed when I was born. Maybe that’s why I’m in this mess. Caught between two worlds that I don’t even know how to navigate.
