Chapter 13
Caleb
Over the last coupleof days, I’d received notifications on the camera app when Rae went outside to water the plants or get the mail. We’d text each other a bit, but not nearly as much as I would have liked. I would never get tired of talking to her, but I didn’t want to push, if she didn’t feel the same way. At least I had work to distract me during the last two days. However, today, I would have to keep myself busy around the farm. I'd been up since before sunrise feeding the animals, watering the garden, and cleaning the barn, but nothing could help keep my mind off her.
I ran a hand over my face and sighed.Jenny is right. I do still love Rae.
I didn’t know why I tried to lie to myself, like it was any feeling other than that. She had been the one for me back in high school, and I was too young and too scared of losing my best friend to tell her how I felt. And now, she seemed uninterested in anything romantic with me, almost scared of being touched or having someone close to her.
Gosh, Caleb, how could you be so stupid to let her go?
I needed to focus, and sitting there thinking about her was not going to help that. I needed to help her get comfortable with being my friend again, just being happy again, and whatever I was doing right now was not helping.
Duke came up and put a big paw on my knee. “You want to go out in the field, bud? Let's go!” Duke tilted his huge block head to the side and barked. We both walked to the barn to get the horses.
“Hey guys.” I greeted each horse as I passed by them before I prepped my horse's saddle. I adopted my horse Boone about a month after my parents died. Boone's first family had to move due to the family's dad's job transfer. Sadly, they were unable to take him with them, but I gave him a loving home, and he’d been a great addition to the family. We’d both lost something, and it was like Boone knew I was mourning someone.
After opening the stall doors for the other horses, I mounted my horse and led the others out of the barn. All the horses walked, keeping pace with Boone and myself, while Duke ran ahead. As soon as we were in the middle of the field, I got off Boone, took the saddle off, and they all ran free.
I pulled a blanket out of one of the saddlebags and spread it out on the grass. I sat and watched the horses run free. Duke ran behind them, thankfully smart enough to not get underfoot.
My mind was immediately back on Rae, thinking about how beautiful she was, how much I missed her while she was gone, and what the hell changed her while she was away. I ran a hand through my beard and let out a huge sigh.
Coming out with the horses was supposed to help me clear my mind, not make me think about her more. However, the more I tried to not think about her, the more she was in my thoughts.
Frustrated, I lay back on the blanket and stared up at the clouds. Duke ran over and plopped down next to me, soaking up the warm sun. I gave him some water and, after drinking, he rolled over on his back, belly up without a care in the world. Duke's feet wiggling in the air made me chuckle.
Laying back on the blanket again, I remembered how my parents would bring me out to the middle of the field to try and help me clear my mind when I was little. We would look at the clouds together, watch birds fly by—just spend time together as a family. Stress as a child was so different from the stress an adult feels, but something about being in nature really helped center me, helped me clear my mind.
The memories calmed my mind for once.
Iwoke to the soundof stomping hooves and snorting horses. Opening my eyes, I realized I’d subconsciously put my hat over my face. Removing it, I saw two of my horses standing over me and the others close by.
I let out a laugh. “Okay, okay. I'm up! You guys ready to go back?” I reached for the saddle and the horses whinnied. Duke jumped up, looking happy as could be, like always. I looked at my phone, checking the time. I wasn’t out for long, thank goodness, but was relieved when I saw there were no camera notifications I had missed.
When we got back to the barn, I gave the horses fresh food and water, then divided up the last of the apples.
“I'm going to go to the store to get y'all more treats.”
I locked the barn up, went to the house, got Duke some fresh food and water, and then headed to the truck.
Maybe a drive to town would help.
