I'd already prepped the horse's saddles and led her to the horse she'd be riding, Bandit.
Rae looked at me with wide eyes and she wrapped her arms around one of mine “But Caleb, this is your mom's horse. Are you sure you want me riding him?”
“Yeah. He's not been the same since my mom died, until the other day, with you. He's not let anyone ride him or even put a saddle on him. However, I tried it this morning after you walked in the barn to grab the chicken feed, and he let me.” I smiled at her before turning to pet Bandit's nose. “Huh, boy, you love her, too, don't you?”
Rae looked at me when I said that, but I interrupted any thoughts she had when I asked if she wanted a hand getting into the saddle. I helped her get in the saddle before I got on my horse, and then we left the barn, followed by the other horses.
The ride out to thepasture was good for Rae. I could see happiness not just in her smile, but in her eyes, too. There was almost a sparkle in them.
We spoke here and there, but I’d let her start the conversations. I could tell she was deep in thought. Happy, but thoughtful.
“How about here as a stopping point? We can sit over there and watch the horses run.”
Rae blinked like she’d been far away for a few seconds and then focused again.Her hair almost had a glow to it, and it was blowing in the cool breeze. She sat confidently in Bandit’s saddle and looked stunning.
Gosh I love her.Had for years, but I still didn’t know if admitting it would be too much for her at the moment. I couldn't forgive myself if I pushed her before she was ready.
“Yeah,” she said with a smile. “That looks good to me.”
We swung down from the horses and removed the saddles, setting them aside. I pulled out a blanket from one of the bags and Rae helped me spread it over the grass. She sat and took the water bottle I passed to her.
“Did you enjoy the ride?” I asked.
Rae tilted her face towards the sky, soaking in the warmth of the sunlight. “More than you know. It's been way too long since I've ridden. Thank you for doing this for me.”
I didn’t watch the horses; I watched her, the way her eyes followed them, something soft and unguarded about her expression. Like a window that had been opened for the first time in a long time.
The quiet settled around us, warm and easy.
“You know,” I said softly, breaking the silence. She looked at me with a curious expression. I reached out my hand, and she laced her fingers through mine without hesitation.
“When my parents died...” I paused to breathe, to steady myself. “I sank into a deep depression. My parents were two of my favorite people, ripped away from our family and friends. I came out here a lot after their services. It was where they came when things got stressful and they needed a break from the chaos.” I could feel Rae watching me. Her hand tightened slightly around mine. “Watching the horses run, the fresh air and the open field...It brought a feeling of freedom and peace. My parents had taught me to come out here to breathe and clear my mind when life got to be too much. So, after they passed, I was out here multiple times a week. Somedays, just for the horses, but at first, it was mostly for me so I could breathe.”
I looked over at Rae as she gently squeezed my hand again. She looked at me, her brows knit gently, listening intently. I hadn’t talked too much about my parents with her, or really anyone, for that matter. It had been the most difficult thing I had ever gone through, and no one really knows the pain unless they go through it. I wouldn’t wish the heartbreak of losing a parent on my worst enemy.
“The horses,” I said as I nodded towards them. “They didn’t care who was watching. Just moved like the whole world belonged to them. Wild, free...unbothered by all the things that tore me up inside. And for a long time, I hated that. It felt like the world had the nerve to keep going when mine had stopped.”
I paused, my eyes following the horses as they galloped by, manes flying like fire.
“But then I started seeing it differently. Like...maybe they weren’t ignoring the pain. Maybe they were showing me what comes after it. That even when life kicks the breath out of you, you can still find a way to run again. To live again. It took a long time for me to learn that, and I still struggle with it, but coming out here helps.”
I leaned towards Rae, voice softer now, tilting her chin up so I could look into her eyes.
“And watching you today? The way you smiled up in that saddle...that light in your eyes?” I smiled at her. “Reminded me of that. You’re getting there, Sunshine. Bit by bit. Doesn’t matter if you gallop or take it slow. What matters is, you’re moving. And you’re not carrying it all alone anymore.”
She continued staring into my eyes, the sunlight catching the softness in her expression, and my heart swelled.
Rae let go of my hand and scooted closer to me, facing the opposite way I was, so she could still look at me.
My eyes were on her—only her. A soft breeze blew her auburn hair around her face. The faint scent of her shampoo was intoxicating.
“Caleb.” Her voice was barely over a whisper. She reached for my hand again and laced her fingers with mine. “You make me feel so safe, and like you see the real me. I still feel...” She looked down at our hands, still linked together, which I gave a gentle squeeze. She let out a long breath and continued, “Somewhat broken and scared, but honestly, when I'm with you, I feel like I can breathe again.”
She looked at the horses and took a deep breath before looking at me again. The sun had started to dip lower in the sky, causing her eyes to have a glow to them. “Will you be patient with me...again? I want to feel close to you. I want to feelus. If you still want that, too.”
