“What’s your favorite memory with your parents after I left for college? I know that’s a sad question, and I’m sorry. I loved your parents, though, and being here makes me miss them. I’m really sad I never got to say goodbye, so I was hoping maybe a funny memory of yours, that I didn’t know about, would help. Plus, you really have not spoken about them...”
“Sunshine, breathe.” I wrapped my arms around her. She was talking so fast as she realized that the question she wanted to ask would possibly make me sad. “You’re not upsetting me, so get that out of your beautiful head. I miss my parents, yes. Talking about them helps and sometimes makes me sad, too, but it helps keep their memory alive. Thank you for asking me about them.” I looked down at her with a smile.
She smiled back up at me, and I wrapped her in my arms again.
“You can ask me about them anytime and it won’t upset me. Promise. To answer your question, though...my favorite memory would have to be from when my parents got stuck in a rainstorm together while on a ride. They had taken the horses out, and nothing had gone right. A strap on my dad’s saddle broke, and from how my mom described it, my dad spun around and hung upside-down for a moment. The horse thankfully didn’t get spooked.
“My mom tripped and fell in a mud puddle during that same trip—face-first in the mud. Bandit was scared of the rain at the time, so they had to try and coax him back to the barn. Sugar cubes were melting in the rain, and the boy would not budge.” Rae giggled against my chest at the thought. “When they came back from their ride, they were soaked and covered in mud, but they were laughing uncontrollably and enjoying every moment.”
Rae continued giggling. “That is so funny. Thank you for sharing that with me. Oh, to have a love like that.”
I pulled away only enough to look at her. “We do, Sunshine. I would get caught in a rainstorm or fall in a mud puddle with you any day.”
She giggled again and hugged me tighter.
“Come sit down and eat.” We walked to the table, and I set the food in front of her before kissing her forehead. Then I sat next to her. We ate in silence for several minutes, our feet tangled with each other's under the table.
“What’s the second thing, the one you thought you would get the chance to do?”
“This seems silly, but I thought I would have gone out late with friends. You know, like at a bar or restaurant, or even a movie. The latest I remember staying out was until about midnight when we went to see a movie. We were back in our dorms by midnight.”
“Really? You didn’t get to go see a movie premiere or go out drinking with friends?”
She shook her head as she took another bite of pasta, closing her eyes for a moment as she did. “Okay, first, this is delicious.”
I smiled my thanks at her because I had just taken a bite. She was right, the pasta had turned out really good.
“So, no. I never got the chance to do any of that. Our late nights were always spent studying. Classes were so insane my first two years, and I had friends, but none I really clicked with like that. I was really homesick those first two years, so I came home when I could. While I was still homesick the third and fourth year as well, I had made a friend by that point. She was my roommate those last two years. The movie I mentioned going to, but being back by midnight, that was her that I went with.” Her face looked a bit sad at the last part of that statement.
I reached across the small space between us and held out my hand. She put her hand in mine and continued eating for a bit.
“Remember me talking about my best friend at college? Her name is Cierra. We were roommates for a while.” She sighed. “I moved in with Ethan around the same time she eloped and moved in with her husband. They had a baby pretty soon after. She loved Ethan at first because she always got to see the side of him he wanted everyone to see. I tried hinting at how things were, and she started to change her mind about him, but that’s when he cut me off from everyone. She had a second little one about a year before I wasn’t allowed to see her anymore. Both her kiddos learned to walk in my living room. I’ve not seen her in a long time, and I always wondered if she hated me after I stopped answering calls. I’ve wondered if she questioned things since I had hinted about stuff, or if she thought I just didn’t want to be friends anymore.”
My heart broke for her. I knew how that felt, to a certain extent, since I had been cut off from her. However, being the one who lost basically everyone, and wondering what they thought and if they hated her for it, I couldn’t wrap my brain around that.
“You said her name was Cierra?” She nodded. “Have you tried to contact her since leaving?”
“No. Honestly, at first it was because I was scared Ethan may somehow find out. I’m not saying she would have put me in danger on purpose, but she came home with me one summer. It was the last year I came home, that week you were on a camping trip and I didn’t get to see you. I didn’t know I wouldn’t be coming back.” She said that last part like she was trying to convince me she hadn’t known Ethan wouldn’t let her come back. Her voice sounded so small. While I knew she had overcome so much since moving back, I wished she didn’t feel like she still owed anyone an explanation, especially me.
Rae cleared her throat before continuing. “She knows where my parents live, so since she didn’t know the whole story, I’m just scared she’ll hate me. It’s been a long time since we spoke.”
I squeezed her hand, letting the silence fall between us for a moment as we finished the last couple bites of dinner.
“Do you still have her number? We could call her together. I mean, we know Ethan knows where you are now.”
She shook her head and thought about what I said for a moment. “He kept her number in my phone for a while so he would know who is calling, or in case he needed to see if I tried to contact anyone. One day, though, messages from her just stopped coming in, and her number was gone. I’m assuming he told her I didn’t want to talk or something and then deleted her number. Or maybe she just got upset that I didn’t answer, since Ethan told me I couldn’t, and she got tired of waiting.” A strained laugh escaped her. “I tried to change someone’s name once, so their number came up as someone else. I was hoping he wouldn’t know who I was really calling. He was prepared for that, so maybe that’s why it was deleted.” She stood to take her dishes to the sink. “As long as you’re involved, though, I would like to try and contact her. But...only if you’re involved. I’d be too nervous without you there.”
I joined her at the sink, and she took my dishes and rinsed them off for me while I wrapped my arms around her and held her. I brushed the hair away from her neck and gently kissed her skin, causing her to giggle. She turned to face me, and I stepped forward, gently pinning her to the counter with my hips pressed against hers.
“We’ll figure this out, Sunshine. You’ll get to live again, the way you want.”
Rae’s eyes had a sparkle to them as she looked at me. She lifted her hands to my chin, her fingers tangling in my beard. “I have everything I want, right here, Ranger,” she whispered before kissing me.
Just like her, I also had everything I wanted, right here.
