“I’m not proud of it.”
“Might not be the worst thing for you to be on your own. Maybe she takes some time, you take some time, and hopefully, you two come back in a better place.”
“That feels like a bit of a risk, don't you think? What if she decides she'd rather be someplace else?”
“Well, I guess that's the chance you take, but if that's what she wants, she'd never be happy here for the long haul.”
Chad stuffs the beer can into his pack and walks back to his bike. I follow, and we start riding again on a path that goes straight uphill, both of us panting, until we reach the next peak, which has two benches at the top. I know for a fact that the county didn't build either one, but the parks department hasn't taken them down yet. I’m betting they won’t do it, especially when they provide such a nice place to sit.
We tip our bikes onto the dirt, and Chad grabs two apples from his day pack, handing one to me. I bite into it, and a bit of juice runs down my chin.
“Damn, that's good.”
“Yeah.”
“You get these down by the creek?”
There's a long, winding creek behind the bank and on the north side of town at the base of the hills. It gets a lot of runoff from rain and the occasional snowfall. It’s not enough to do much of anything, but it feeds a grove of trees on city land.
“No, dumbass, I went to the grocery store like a normal person. Not everyone feels the need to grow everything in some hydroponic contraption thing.”
A hint of a breeze filters over the hills, offering a respite from the heat. I can vaguely see my property in the distance, where a crew is finally installing cameras today. My thoughts go to Tessa. I should tell him about her. About the baby.
But it’s not the time. We need to focus on getting Chad healthy, and my baby news isn’t the distraction he needs right now. Chad is a “one issue at a time” kind of guy, so I save the baby news for later. I don’t want to make this harder than it already is.
“You want my advice?” I ask him.
“Does it matter? You're going to tell me anyway.”
“I think you should take this situation with Karen as a wake-up call and get serious about getting sober. Let her know you’re working on your end of things. I'm laying odds it's going to lead her back to you one way or another. And if it doesn't, you’ll pivot. Sometimes plans you made a long time ago need to change. Sometimes you’ve got to change with them.”
“Sounds like you're speaking from experience.” He doesn't look at me. His eyes stay focused out on the valley below the hills that go on for miles. Completely different ecosystem there. The green is fed by a natural spring. California's topography is so interesting, and I want to tell him about Tessa’s suggestion that I set my sights on the Tomahawk Corporation as the bigger bullyin the sandbox and try to get neighbors to stop suing each other over water rights.
“I am.”
“Meaning?”
“I’m…going to be a father.” As soon as the words come out, I think of a hundred better ways to tell him with better lead-ins and even the funny story about Tessa sliding into my invisible fence, but apparently, my impatience to blurt out the secret I’ve been keeping took precedence. “Sorry for the bad delivery. I just…had to tell someone.”
“I’m not just someone. I’m your brother.”
The obvious truth in his words chokes the air from my lungs. I nod because I can’t say more yet, but I plan to tell him everything. I didn’t realize how much I needed his support until this moment.
He shakes his head. “Guess I’ve been monopolizing things with my own shit. Haven’t asked about your life enough.”
“No, Chad, that’s not it at all. It was very…sudden.” But I can’t help a rueful smile. “Seems like we’re each a piece of work, huh?”
Chad pulls another beer from his pack, pops the top, and hands it to me. “Seems like it.”
I take a long swig and debate whether to hand it back to Chad, not wanting to enable his drinking. He takes it from my hand and pours the rest out. Then we stay on the bench another hour, and I tell him all about Tessa. I only leave out the part about how hard it’s going to be to spend time with her and not kiss her. I don’t want to admit that part to myself.
CHAPTER 18
Tessa
One WeekLater
Two Months Pregnant
