Haven’t we?
His face dips closer to mine. We’re a breath away from connecting, and his starved, intense look says his resistance hangs by a tensile thread. My doubts fall away. If I kiss him now, it won’t be an invitation for a fun, casual hookup. It will be proof of everything I want.
My heart thrums like horse hooves, and I lick my lips, arching my neck to get closer to him.
I feel his breath on my skin, and I want his lips on mine…
A jarring ringtone tears through the air between us, and we both freeze. It rings again, a specific jangling series of tones which Fitz recognizes. He sighs. “It’s my brother.”
I nod, trying to replace my regret with understanding.
“Hang on. I need to take this.” I share the anguish in his face, feel each deep crease in his forehead. But I get it. Family comes before everything else.
As soon as he answers, his voice takes a different tone, more serious than he was a moment ago, and laced with pain that’s different from when he pushes me on his water needs. That feels like business. This sounds intensely personal.
“Hey.” He takes a few steps away, but he can’t go far. I look away, trying to give him some space, but I’m curious. “Yeah…no, don’t do that…I’m serious. Can you just stay there a minute? I’ll be right over.”
I can only hear his end of the call, but I can see his face clearly, his forehead creased with lines, and his mouth turned down. It’s not his usual scowl—that’s easy to manage compared with the pain in his face now as he swallows hard.
I have no idea what’s going on, but it’s clear that something is very wrong.
CHAPTER 27
Fitz
Cold darkness closesaround me as I extract myself from the fantasy world where I could fall in love without it being ripped away.
Deep in my core, I’ve always known love was not for me, but for the smallest instant, I’d let myself veer outside the lines of my tightly controlled world and thought about a future that isn’t centered around my brother.
Big mistake.
“I’m sorry, Duchess. I may need to take a rain check this evening with you. Mind if I drive you back to your place while I deal with some stuff?” I try to keep my tone light, but she puts a hand on my forearm before I can turn. That small gesture, along with the warmth I feel from her touch, makes it impossible to walk away as quickly as I intended.
“Fitz…” She doesn’t say another word, doesn’t pry. Simply saying my name is enough to tear down the walls I’m trying to build against the tornado of feelings I have for her. I’m used togoing it alone. I don’t know how to share my life with another person.
I nod. “I’m fine. I just need to go see my brother.” I feel choked with tension when I reveal this small detail. I can’t say more, and she nods, not letting go of my arm.
“Of course. What can I do? Do you want company, even for the drive?”
I should push her away. I don’t need anyone tagging along and seeing what Chad is capable of doing or saying at his worst. I want to protect her from seeing that side of my life. I want to protect myself from judgment.
“I’m good, Duchess.” I try again for lightness. But the dire, concerned look on her face tells me I’ve failed.
“You don’t seem good.”
I shake my head. “Trust me, you don’t want to see this part of my world.” I shouldn’t have ever told her about Chad because now she wants to be involved. I don’t have time to explain why she should run, not walk, as far away as possible.
So why can’t I tell her to go?
I shake my head. “No, really. I’m good. I have to be.”
“You don’t have to be anything. Except yourself. That’s all anyone can ask of you.”
Her voice is so soft and calm that it melts my resolve to push her away.
I can’t resist her sweetness when she reaches up and cups my cheek in her hand. Her eyes tell me I can trust her.
“He’s wasted. It’s…really, you don’t want to deal with this.” I give her one last chance to bail. I want her to take it, so I don’t have to push her away. I’ll feel better if it’s her choice.
