“Feels like a big cosmic joke. Our kind has always believed that the souls of those who die live in harmony with nature,” I sigh, shaking my head. “Instead, we’re just angel bastards who aren’t even welcome in heaven. We’re going to bring children into a world where they’re hunted because they exist, and if they survive that… nothing. Just death.”
“Now you know why I choose to live alone. Why I no longer seek companionship,” Lucifer says. “Cosmic joke? Yeah, I guess that’s what it is.”
“Daisy, ask all the questions you want,” I huff, downing the rest of my glass. “I’m going to bed.”
I don’t wait for a response. I stand up, shoulders slumped, and walk out the door and down the hall. I peek into Ansley’s room. She’s asleep. Hayden is beside her, a hand on her belly in aprotective posture. It seems meaningless now. Our mate. Our pack’s future. What’s the fucking point? We have an angel on our side and the only thing we can do is hide like cowards.
“I’m sorry, Ansley,” I sigh, shaking my head. “None of us will be able to protect you. Protect our children. Fuck…”
History used to fill me with purpose: discovering the secrets, unlocking the mysteries. But there were never any certain answers. Just useless stories by people who didn’t know any more than I did.
Now? Now it just feels fucking hopeless.
Somehow, I manage to fall asleep and when I wake up, I can hear my brothers. I don’t get up immediately. I’m refreshed, but I feel pretty depressed after my conversation with Lucifer. Part of me feels like Daisy did. That it would be better to have never known. Let my curiosities stay curiosities, rather than knowing the truth.
“You awake, brother?” Hayden asks, stepping into my room.
“Yeah, I’m awake,” I mutter, sitting up in bed. “Trouble?”
“No, we’re going for a run. Lucifer said it’s safe, and there’s nobody around for miles. It’s been a while since we could run freely like that. You in?” Hayden asks.
“Nah, go ahead without me,” I say, wafting a hand.
“Alright, brother. You can keep an eye on our mate. Make sure Daisy doesn’t get her into trouble,” he chuckles.
I stay in bed a little longer, then shower and get dressed. These clothes are stuffy and not my style, but they’re clean. Betterthan walking around naked and getting compliments from Daisy about the size of my cock.
When I walk into the living room, Ansley is already there, but she’s alone.
“Daisy still sleeping?” I ask, walking over and sitting down next to my mate.
“Yeah, she was probably up late annoying my father,” she replies, leaning against me. “How about you? Did you stay up much longer after I went to bed?”
“Longer than I should have,” I sigh.
“You okay? Something seems different about you today,” she wears her concern for me on her lovely face.
“Just learning that there’s very little meaning in this world. Nothing after it, either,” I admit. “Just death.”
“What do you mean?” she asks.
I’m not sure I should tell her, but I can’t hide things from my mate. It’s not my nature, even if it seems cruel to tell her the truth. I spill it all and Ansley listens, the worry in her eyes growing the more she hears.
“Damn,” she says, pondering it, putting her hand on her stomach. “But is it really hopeless? Meaningless? We can still live our lives and raise our children. We have what we need, and if we don’t want to stay here, we don’t have to. We may not be able to return to Chicago, but there are other places to live.”
“As much as it pains me, I don’t think we should leave. Not for a while. Maybe after the Crimson Templars have stopped looking for us, we can find somewhere nice, but here… here we’re safe.You’re safe. The baby is safe,” I say. “Life may not have the same meaning it did, but I’m in no hurry to go somewhere danger could find us.”
“I talked with my father after the others went for their run,” Ansley says, snuggling closer to me. “He said he could teach me to control my power better. Show me how to use it. I should probably take advantage of that.”
“Might not be a bad idea,” I admit, letting out a long sigh. “But not right now. Right now, I just want to hold my mate. It’s the only thing that feels right in this miserable world right now.”
“Then hold me,” she says. “Let’s forget about everything else for a while.”
Right now, it feels like the only thing we can do.
Dwelling on it won’t change anything.
CHAPTER 39
