December
Chapter Twenty-Two
Dylan
There wasgarland on every mantel, every doorway, and every railing in sight.Fuck, there was even garland around the edge of the buffet table.
The smell of pine should’ve been overwhelming, but it was mixed with citrus, cinnamon, and something warm.And it was actually kind of nice.
Christmas at the Alexanders’ was a world away from the tacky Christmas circus my mother insisted on staging every year.I was happy she put in the effort, but the inflatable lawn characters always looked vaguely like sex dolls to me.They didn’t belong on a front lawn.Or anywhere else for that matter.
Thankfully, Sylvie Alexander had much more refined tastes.
“Dad!”Hunter called from his seat at the large picture window.“Come see!”
His enthusiasm was contagious.I felt like a kid myself as I loped toward him, anxious to see what his excitement was about.
“What’s happening, bud?”I planted my hands on his shoulders and gave him an affectionate squeeze.
“There’s a deer in the backyard,” he whispered, pointing to the majestic creature that looked like it had been purposely placed as an ornament of the season.Like a real-life version of one of my mother’s blow-up figures.
I laughed.“It’s a little too late to start whispering now.”
I crouched down beside him and wrapped my arm around his back.We sat in silence and watched the deer as it munched away, unperturbed by the party going on inside.
“Looks like she’s having a relaxing evening.”
Hunter’s eyes went wide.“How do you know it’s a girl?”
“No horns.A male would still have antlers this time of year unless it’s a baby.But this one’s too big to be a fawn.”
“I like that you know stuff about the outdoors and animals.”He leaned into me.“Mom and Eric haven’t ever been fishing, so I promised I could teach them since you taught me.”
I smiled to myself, thinking of the brightly wrapped tackle box sitting under my tree at home.It made me feel good to know I’d picked a gift my kid would like.And no one had needed to tell me.
Except it was more than that.I was proud to have a connection with him that no one else did.For the first time since he was born, I felt like his dad.Not just some guy with the title of father.
The deer eventually wandered off, and Hunter, being the restless twelve-year-old that he was, lost interest in my silence.Too enticed by the table of food and Caleb’s insistence that they should try one of everything.
It was amazing how much had changed in just a year.
This time last year, I was holed up in my own self-loathing, only venturing out to my mother’s place on Christmas Day, and not seeing Hunter until after the festivities had all wound down.I’d sulked like a teenager, mad about all the things I couldn’t have.
This year I was surrounded by people, enjoying the holiday season in the luxury of the Alexanders’ home.I hadn’t even attempted to argue my way out of the invitation.
The place—hell, maybe even the people—were growing on me.Even though most of them still weren’t my friends, and none except Hunter were family, I didn’t feel like a reluctant stranger anymore.No longer the odd man out.It felt like they had accepted me.Like someday, I might even belong.
I’d even indulged in a couple of drinks this time around, unbothered by what anyone might think about it.
Funny thing was, no one even noticed.Not a single side-eye or frown was thrown my way.There were no snide comments or carefully placed hints about responsibility, either.The only mention of my drink was when Glenn offered to get me another.
My old reluctance felt ridiculous now.All those years of holding myself back, certain everyone was watching and judging, when most of them probably hadn’t been thinking about me at all.
The prison I’d been living in had been one of my own making.And it was only in my head.
I’d spent my whole life trying to be one thing.The right thing, the acceptable thing.
Turned out I didn’t have to live by anyone’s rules but my own.I could be more than one thing.I could be a real, complex person, instead of the perfect fucking version of a man I thought everyone else wanted me to be.
