‘It’s an English sparkling wine.’
I jump. Andre is standing right next to me and I hadn’t noticed.
‘Perhaps now is a good time to remind everyone here that the spit buckets on your table are there for a purpose,’ he says loudly.
I stick my hand in the air.
‘Yes?’ Andre says.
‘What if you’ve liked all the wines and haven’t spat any out?’
He coughs. ‘It’s not about whether you like the wines or not. It’s about sampling them all and spitting themallback out again.’ Oh. ‘Did anyone else fail to pay attention during my introduction to the session?’
A few hands shoot up. Andre looks very displeased. ‘We’ll be needing more jugs of water, then,’ he tuts, striding off to the bar.
‘I do feel quite tipsy,’ I whisper to one of the two Zachs sat opposite me. Who’s the other guy? A stunt double, I deduce eventually.
‘Shall we get you some food?’
‘Could we just try this sparkling wine first? I do like bubbles.’
‘Okay, but then we have to get you something to eat.’
I bob my head up and down in agreement.
‘You are lovely,’ I say.
‘Oh?’ Zach grins.
‘Looking after me. So thoughtful. A really good guy. Like a great boyfriend.’
‘Well, I’m definitely your boyfriend and it’s very sweet of you to say the rest.’
‘Youaremy boyfriend,’ I nod. The notion that I’m about to dive off a cliff and into a pool of emotions hits me and I start giggling because my feet are already dangling off the edge. There’s no going back now.
‘I like that fact,’ I announce.
‘That’s good news.’
‘Yes,’ I agree, leaning in conspiratorially. ‘I like that you’re my boyfriend and a whole lot more about you, too. I know we’re different in many ways, but people are complex aren’t they?’ I click my fingers in the air, searching through a fog of wine to find the words for my poignant and heart-felt speech. ‘We’re not chalk and cheese, actually.’
‘I didn’t say that we were,’ he replies, amused.
‘We’re more chalk-ish and cheese-ish.’ Yes, that’s it. This is going very well. I’m feeling so profound today so I should definitely put my eloquent streak to good use and tell Zach how I’m feeling. ‘I like that you’re not as full on as me. I like that you can be shy but also strong. I like that you are kind and caring. I like that you listen without judgement and that you don’t mind when I relentlessly tease you and that I can be my whole self around you and actually now that I think about it I like that I’ve become more of a whole self since we met. That’s not all down to you obviously because I’ve done a bloody good job of seeing myself in a new light this summer. I’ve been able to open up about my mum and I’ve helped Natalie through her break-up and I’ve set up another bloody business like an absolute champion too. So what I’m saying is, I’m great. And so are you.’
Another hiccup. Not so well disguised.
‘I’ve figured something out. We’ve all got flaws, haven’t we? For a while I thought your past was a reason for me not to trust you, and then I realised that I should stop looking for reasons. Why actively seek something out when there’s been nothing to worry me inourrelationship? Besides, I can’t just pick and choose the best bits of life – the easiest, simplest bits – because if I did that with you I’d have missed out on all of these amazing experiences we’ve had together. And maybe your best bits are because of what you’ve been through?’
‘Which bits are you talking about?’
‘You know! You’re lovely and thoughtful and sometimes shy and your heart is always on your sleeve. You wouldn’t be who you are now if you hadn’t been through the tough times. Same for me. Ever since Mum died I’ve been trying to move on from my grief. I’d built up barriers to stop myself from feeling that sad, ever again. And now look at us! My barriers are down and I’m actually very happy and I don’t think you ever do move on from grief, anyway. You move forward with it. I am happy moving forward with you because I really like you a lot.
‘That doesn’t mean I’ve changed, though,’ I say, sweeping my arm across the table in demonstration of change. ‘I’m not sure I’ll ever want marriage or kids. But I can see a future with you. One that goes beyond an alphabet’s worth of dates. To conclude, I’m yours if you’ll have me.’
HICCUP.
No doubt Zach is bowled over by my display of affection, I think, realising that now is probably the time to lean in for a kiss. I rest my elbows on the table and lean forward, meeting Zach’s gaze.
