‘Fine,Zach,’ he says pointedly. ‘Anyway, I’m pretty sure that Zach is the first guy you’ve properly dated in …’
‘Forever?’ Natalie suggests.
‘Mmm hmm,’ I nod.
‘Huge,’ Natalie exclaims, holding her hands out wide to emphasise the point.
‘Is that the size of his penis?’ Dylan quips and the two of them have a good old guffaw while I watch on, exasperated. Honestly, why they insist on acting like 13-year-olds when they’re both 30 is beyond me.
Natalie’s the first to straighten her face out. ‘Sorry Alice. What I obviously meant was, this is hugenews. I’m really happy for you.’
‘The Bolter’s got a boyfriend.’ Dylan looks incredulous.
‘Woah there. Calm down,’ I say, breaking out into a sweat. ‘I do not have a boyfriend. We just had the chat about seeing each exclusively, that’s all. HANG ON. What did you call me?’
‘You knew The Bolter is your nickname, right?’ Dylan says.
‘No I did not know that,’ I smart. ‘That’s a bit …’
‘Accurate?’ Dylan offers.
‘It is kind of true,’ Natalie adds gently. ‘Even a whiff of commitment and you usually bolt. Half-way through a wedding was your personal best, I think. Remember?’
I roll my eyes. Of course I remember. I’d only been on two dates with Matt when he asked if I’d be his plus one to his mate’s wedding but I happily accepted because I love weddings! They’re not right for me, obviously, but the chance to spend all day in a cute outfit, chatting to new people and toasting the happy couple is always a winner. Only, I didn’t quite get to the toasts at this particular wedding.
‘Didn’t you bolt midway through the ceremony?’ Dylan says.
‘Not midway through, no! Just … immediately after,’ I cough. ‘In fairness, I’d thought Matt and I were very casual. I did not expect him to well up when the bride walked down the aisle, nor to clutch my hand as they said their “I do’s”. And I certainly didn’t expect him to tell me that “we’d be next”. It was literally our third date!’
‘So you dumped him during the confetti throwing and left him to face a whole day celebrating someone else’s wedding while he’d just been given the heave ho.’ Dylan is shaking his head laughing at me. He loves this story. ‘Wasn’t that the start of your three date limit?’
‘Yes it was,’ I nod. I’d put a cap on the number of dates with one man after that, just so I didn’t get startled again. ‘I know I was brutal but I did speak to Matt after to explain myself.’
‘And yet here you are, not only having broken your three-date limit but now you’re exclusively seeing Zach. That’s a big step for you, babes.’ Nat’s beaming.
I nod, pushing my hair out of my eyes and trying not to feel so clammy. Zach’s shall-we-be-exclusive speech had been so sweet and I’m happy about where we are, if a teeny tiny bit scared. Surely I could have picked someone less intense for my first foray into proper dating. Like, I dunno, someone who isn’t an incorrigible romantic? I suppose that’s the point though. No-one has made me want to until now.
‘Does he know that you’re a butterfly who cannot be caged, Pickle?’ Dyl asks.
‘Um, I have told him that I’m not convinced about The One, or, um, love.’
‘Ooh, lucky Zach. And he hasn’t run for the hills yet?’
‘Still keen, apparently.’
‘Well, I think this is wonderful,’ says Nat. ‘You’re being really brave Al, dipping a toe in something you vowed you never would. I’ve not had much of a chance to chat to Zach yet but he seems like a good guy. And he’s hella hot.’
‘Let’s not forget his apparently “huge”—’
‘Thank you, Dylan.’ I butt in. He and Nat are roaring again.
‘Okay, great chatting to you …’
‘No, wait, don’t hang up! You know we love you very much and we’re only teasing. And who knows, this may just be the start of something brilliant,’ Nat says.
Dylan does a thumbs up.
‘Thanks guys. I do actually have to go though. Have fun.’ I blow kisses at my two best mates and try to stamp down the thought that just popped into my head. That the very reason Natalie’s in London is to get over her heartache. That the very reason Dylan is the perfect help with that is because he never bothers to linger too long for heartache to be a problem.
