She looks at me like she’s half touched and half terrified.
‘It’s okay, I promise,’ I say, reaching my arm around her back and turning us both to look at the crag we’ll be climbing. ‘The technical term for what we’re doing today is bouldering. Loads of people come here to practice getting their steps right before moving on to climbing the big rocks.’
‘Thatisa big rock,’ Alice harrumphs, collapsing on the mat I’ve just laid on the ground and slapping a hand across her forehead.
‘Don’t panic,’ I scoop her back up again. ‘It’ll be fun.’
‘Fun? That thing is higher than Everest!’
‘Notquite,’ I moderate. ‘Mount Everest is the highest mountain above sea level on earth.’
‘Well then this one’s probably second highest,’ she says, hands on hips.
I clear my throat. ‘Couple of things. Everest is a mountain and this is a crag. And from memory, Everest is roughly 8,800 metres high while this crag is maybe three meters off the ground.’
‘All right Captain Zach the Brainiac,’ she grins, putting on a geeky voice. ‘It’s still a lot bigger than me.’
‘That’s true,’ I concede. ‘But the good news is, I’m big into rock climbing and I will not let any harm come to you during this massive ascent.’
She pouts. ‘You’re teasing me.’
‘Only a little bit. Honestly I’m completely happy if you’d rather not. When I first started out climbing I’d do crags like this with Raff and I remember them feeling really daunting at the time so I do understand.’
‘Are you saying you climb bigger land masses than this, normally?’
I spin her round to face an actual peak. ‘Yep, that sort of thing.’
‘Holy shit. Don’t you need ropes and stuff for that?’
‘Ropes, a harness, chalk … all the gear.’
‘What’s the chalk for? So you can draw a big smiley face halfway up?’
‘Ha, not quite, though maybe I’ll try that next time. The chalk’s to keep your hands dry. Bouldering the little rocks like this is the best way to start learning how to find your feet and climb. Plus you don’t need any equipment.’
Alice spins back to our crag. ‘The things I do for you.’
Finding her first grip and hoisting herself up, Alice clings to the crag with a happy smile on her face. ‘I’m doing it!’
‘Yes you are!’
‘How far am I off the ground? I don’t dare look down.’
‘Um, about two or three inches?’
‘Oh. What now?’
‘Have a look round for your next foothold, find somewhere to grip and push up again.’
‘There’s one! I’m going for it. Oh my god, I’m going for it! How high am I now?’
‘Gotta be nine inches by now,’ I say.
‘There’s a joke in there somewhere. I’m sure I’d find it, if only I weren’t in the middle of a life-threatening date with my maniac boyfriend.’
I grin to myself at that. Hearing Alice call me her boyfriend reassures me that wecanput what happened in the past and move forward together. Her panicking on the mini-break, me acting like a twat at ping pong. I keep my eyes fixed on her as she makes her ascent, watching like a hawk to make sure she feels safe and calling out praise as she goes. I remember feeling all over the place when I first started climbing and massively admire her willingness to give it a go.
‘Hate to brag but I think I’m a natural at this,’ Alice announces.
