Blood mixed with the essence of my shame. Leo’s arousal and mine. I blinked, pushing my glasses up my nose. Then I shrugged.
Her scrutiny fell heavy on me. I ignored it. She could judge me all she wanted. She didn’t know me or what I had to go through. I did something stupid and wrong, so what? I’d done so many of those out of fear and coercion. At least, this time, it was pleasurable.
“Can I ask you something, Doctor?”
I hesitated. Then I decided to take advantage of the situation. “Only if you’re willing to answer some of my questions in return.”
“I’ll go first. If two strangers jumped me, stole my car and took me with them to the middle of nowhere in a foreign country, I’d be fighting tooth and nail to find a way out. You haven’t even tried at anything that resembled an escape plan. You haven’t even tried to leave this very room. Why?”
I could psycho-analyze and explain my reasons and motives for hours. Starting from guilt and self-loathing to PTSD and fear. It’d be convincing, but it wouldn’t be the ultimate truth.
“Sometimes you want things you know they’re so far away you think they’re impossible to happen. A dream you know it’ll never come true, but you can’t help yourself. A boy you can’t seem to stop thinking about even though you’ll never be on his mind, even though you’re certain he won’t bother to know your name, let alone see you.
“Then, unexpectedly, you come face to face with that dream. The boy does know your name. He remembers your face. He’s noticed you. You’re no longer invisible. He sees you, and somehow impossible is no longer a word to describe your dream. So you wait and dream some more because it turns out, sometimes, what you want, you might end up getting after all.
“Have you ever considered the fact that fighting is not always the wisest choice, and, sometimes, surrender garners the best results?”
A bitter chuckle fell past her mouth. “Trust me. It garners the worst results when you choose to surrender to a monster.” She clenched her teeth at Leo. “Like him.”
“Why do you hate him so much?”
“You don’t know the first thing about what he’s done, the people he’s hurt, the crimes he’s committed. Enough to say he’s a psychopath.”
“That’s your professional opinion?”
“Well, someone has to make one for you because you must be terrible at your job if you don’t see it for yourself. He shot his ex-girlfriend dead and tried to do the same to his last. My sister.”
I thought he tried to kill his father, not his ex-fiancée. Murdering his girlfriend before Lina was news to me, too. As far as I knew Leo didn’t have any known girlfriends. After Anastasia’s family was burned alive, and she was nowhere to be found, he just closed up on himself. Even in college—I may or may have kept up with his news after high school—he didn’t have a girlfriend…or a boyfriend.Yes, I’ve checked that, too.
“I understand your anger. The murder of a loved one is one of the most human traumatizing experiences.” I knew that for a fact. “But have you ever thought about why he did it?” To him, Lina betrayed him. It wasn’t an excuse to try to murder her, but he had no control over his urges. “The more a psychopath feels socially isolated, sad, and alone, the higher their risk for violence and impulsive and/or reckless behavior. Have you ever tried to understand what triggered him to do something that horrible and desperate? When psychopaths become violent, they’re just as likely to hurt themselves as others.” I believed that was what he was doing when he chose to murder them. He was hurting himself as much as he was hurting them.
She snorted. “What the fuck are you trying to do here, saying this shit from some fucking stupid textbook?”
“All I’m trying to do is give you insight that might help you understand him and his actions.”
“I don’t want to fucking understand. I can’t ever understand why anyone would try to kill the one person I’ve sacrificed everything to protect.” Her nostrils flared as resentment filled her gaze. “He has one job to do. The only reason I saved his pathetic life. Then everything will be over, and I’ll never have to see him or any of his fucking kind ever again.”
I scowled, a pang to my chest. Despite my silly, inexplicable hopes, I wasn’t delusional. I knew all possible scenarios led to one inevitable, violent end for Leo. No matter what plan he or she had in mind, whether he succeeded or failed at executing them, he’d end up dead. Yet I couldn’t stop my heart from hurting over him.I mean, I’ve only just found him.“Is there any—”
“No more questions. You’ve asked enough. It’s my turn now.”
I knew exactly what she was going to ask.
“How long have you known Leo Bellomo?”
My answer might jeopardize my life, but it was bound to be revealed. It was irrelevant to her quest, though. She was definitely asking the wrong questions.
“All her life.”
Both our heads turned toward Leo, who had just answered for me. His eyes weren’t open, but I felt as if he could see right through me.
“What the fuck? Care to explain?” she demanded.
“Her real name is Ravenna Chernova. She went to the same school we all went to, Nicky. I’m surprised you didn’t recognize her,” he said, groaning when he tried to move his leg. I gestured for him not to move and adjusted my jacket that I’d covered his lower body with to keep him warm.
“I was a program kid, asshole. Didn’t rub elbows with the rich Mob kids. I’d have never gotten involved with any of you if it hadn’t been for Tino’s and your sick obsession with my sister.”
“Sick obsession? Tino is the only sick fuck here. He was a thirty-year-old-something, grown ass man, whose wife and unborn baby had just been brutally murdered, and he did what? Groom a twelve-year-old girl until she became old enough to fuck. And even then, he didn’t ask her to marry him. He fucking kidnapped her on her wedding night and raped her. My own fucking father raped my wife.”
