His eyes bored into me. Then his fingers softened, turning into a caress. I squeezed my eyes shut, that caress hurting more than his roughness. “No. Look at me,” he commanded.
I obeyed. It seemed it was all I could do when it came to him. Tears stabbed me, showing him my weakness once more.
“I do care about you. I don’t know why, but I do. You might not be that innocent, and I can never fully trust you, but I don’t want you to die, Ravenna. Every time I was about to snap, like always, and end your life, I stop. I don’t know how or why, but it’s happening. Maybe because I know all the things that you’ve done were only to protect your family or maybe it’s because of the scars you bear.”
Two reasons he could relate to.
The back of his hand brushed my cheek and my chin. “And you’re not ugly.”
My heart squeezed. “But I’ll never be as pretty as she. I can never compete.”
“Who?”
“The perfect blonde with a baby in her belly.”
His hand dropped. “Nicole?”
“Please, don’t pretend you’re not already fixating on her. You can’t help it.”
“What the fuck are you talking about? Is this what it’s all about? You were gonna betray me again because you were jealous? Because I want to protect her baby?”
“Need, Leo. Not want, need. Before you know it, you won’t be able to get her out of your mind. She’ll be your substitution for Anastasia and Lina. You’ll need Nicole, like you needed them. Like you need your mother.”
“My mother?” he snarled. “You sick bitch.”
“I don’t mean sexually.” It was reckless of me to mention his mother or hint at his Oedipus complex in the current state with no means of monitoring or controlling the environment, but I had enough. I wasn’t just a psychiatrist now. I was a woman who was hurt and desperate. If he dashed to get the gun from Nicole and killed me himself, I wouldn’t be surprised. “It’s much more complicated than that. But it’s not only the loss and abandonment that you’re trying to compensate for. You needed to protect your mother from your father. That’s what you’re trying to recreate all the time. I think subconsciously you chose Anastasia because she was the daughter of your father’s enemy. You were trying to protect her from him. You chose Lina because on some level you suspected your father took interest in her. Again, you were trying to get to her first to protect her from him. And now there’s Nicole. A reincarnation of your mother’s situation, who’s been hurt by Sebastiano Bellomo as much as the Lanzas. It’s only a matter of time before she becomes your whole life.”
Fury put a deep shadow on his face, and if I had any doubt or hope I was wrong, it was destroyed. But then his hand lifted back to my face, tracing my lips. “And that makes you run, idiota?”
I wished I could have stopped the shuddering the simplest of his touches induced in me. “What do you expect me to do?”
“Stay. Protect your territory.”
“What?”
“I get it, Ravenna. Jealousy makes you do the worst. I’ve been there. But destroying everything has never been the answer. Look what that got me. What you should do is stay, Ravenna, and never let that shit happen. You’re a doctor. You can keep me in check. Stop me before I get lost again. It’s only for a little while anyway.”
I gasped at the hope he was viciously planting back in me, and my heart contracted at the cruel possibility of having it yanked out of me later. “What about Lina? You’re not over her, Leo. Even if I managed to keep Nicole out of your head, Lina can’t just go away. We both know it’ll never end until blood is spilled.”
“Don’t you say my feelings for her are illusions?”
“Not to you. As much as it hurts to say it, I have to admit for Lina to no longer become the object of your obsession, someone else has to fill the void, someone that comes with the elements ofyourfixation, only bigger. The only one that can make you forget Lina is her sister, Leo.” Or the blood of his father. The core of all his issues.
Blood. My gaze dropped to the floor. There was a crimson trail that started from the door to the couch. To his jeans. “Leo, your leg. You’re bleeding again.”
“Cazzo. I must have ripped the stitches in your stupid catfight. What the fuck were you thinking running away? And where the hell is Nicole? Nicky?!”
“I’ll go find her and get the kit to stitch you back up.” Perhaps she’d finally finish the job.
“Sit your ass down. You’re going nowhere out of my sight. Nicky!”
She appeared at the door as pale as the moon. “I’m here.”
“Where the fuck were you?” he asked.
“Barfing up my guts. Again. What are you hollering for? Don’t you have your treacherous bitch safe and sound next to you?”
He swore at her, attempting to rise. I stopped him immediately. “Hey, it’s okay. It’s nothing. Please don’t move until I treat your wound.” Despite my pain, I couldn’t watch him hurting.
