Her words felt like blunt daggers piercing me. My eyes lowered. That realization I’d made long time ago and the confrontation last week affirmed it, but as long as I kept it to myself, I could deceive myself into denying it. Hearing her say it that obvious and clear made it true.
I needed my father. I’d always needed his love and acceptance.
But I’d just have to live without them because Sebastiano Bellomo and I reminded each other of how ugly we could become. We could no longer exist in the same universe.
“Your baby hasn’t been born yet. He or she doesn’t know who their father is. You can choose a better father for them, Nicky.” I touched her belly, feeling a certain kind of joy I only experienced with touching Nicco. “That’s the most precious gift you can give your baby.”
“You’re right. I have to choose a good father for them. That’s exactly what I’m going to do. As soon as you stop touching my belly. Can you not…do that? It’s super creepy, and I still hate you.”
I laughed without removing my hand. “I still like you.”
“Whatever. I’m serious, though. If Tino sees you like this he’ll divorce me from Dom and force me to marry you.”
“But I’m with Rav.”
“Uh…have you met your father? Do you really think that will stop him?”
“Jeez.” I yanked my hand away and lifted both of my hands in the air, chuckling. “Speaking of my father, how do you feel about him? Are any of the things you said on the island true or do you still wanna kill him?”
“The time we’ve spent together on the run, and the secrets that unraveled during, made me realize things aren’t as black and white as I want them to be. As my sister made me understand how, for some people, love could only be found lurking in the shadows, she made me see that she, you and even Tino, and even me, aren’t made of only light or darkness. There is no such a thing.
“I also realized love, especially the kind people like us need, can make you do the most twisted things you never thought you were capable of doing.” She glanced at me. “So to answer your question, no, I don’t want to kill him anymore. My sisterchoseTino, and I have to respect her choice.”
“But she chose for you. She took that power from you.”
“Maybe. But once I enter this room, I’m having that power back. Whatever my decision is, it’ll be mine.Iwill get to choose this time.”
“You’re right. Good for you, Nicky.”
“You seem…happy,” she said as we continued down the hall. “Are you healing on the inside as you are on the outside?”
“That’s a…very complicated question.” My bruises and festering wounds might have started to pale, but every single ache I’d felt in their formation was still there. I needed to see Domenico before I could even think about an answer. I needed to look my torturer in the eye and do whatever it took to feed the hungry screams so I could start to hear my own thoughts, not theirs. “I still have a long way to go.”
“Good thing you have a shrink for a girlfriend.”
I chuckled. “Fuck yeah.”
“How are you dealing with…you know…her fake last name?”
“I think I’ve proven long time ago I’m not my father in this matter. Sia was a Romanov, and I still loved her. I love Ravenna, too. She’s a Seppi, but she didn’t kill my mother. That fear of her last name is what caused the epic betrayal we’d fallen in. If it hadn’t existed from the start, none of that would have happened. But this is the Mafia. The world we live in is built on fear. That’s why I never wanted to be in it.”
“But you are.”
I shrugged. “We are.” And so when I entered this room, my screams would roam free and gnash at the son of a bitch who stole pieces of me I’d never have back.
I nodded for the guards to step aside. Before my hand touched the knob, Tino opened the door. I scowled at him. “Did you start without us?”
“I was tempted to. What took you so long?”
My glance fell on Nicky. She was fidgeting, her breath rapid. “You can take all the time you need. Let him suffer in waiting.”
She swallowed. “I just want to get it over with.”
“Va bene.” I gestured for her to enter first. “Make him grovel. Please.”
One slow step after another, she finally brought herself to enter the room where we kept Domenico, and I followed. Tino stood against the wall, arms-folded.
Domenico was stripped naked, shackled, the dark scar tissue the bullet left on his chest visible from here. No bruises or blood, though. No one had touched him yet. All mine and Nicky’s as promised.
