“What, you piece of shit?”
“You’ll let me watch him fuck you again.”
Nausea hit me. “You want to see your father sleeping with me? You want to watch me with him? Isn’t that what drove you mad, Ty? Isn’t that why you’re raping me every fucking day?”
“Shut the fuck up.”
“I know you well. When he did it in front of you, you snapped. You bottled down your anger until you exploded. You pretended to keep your distance while nothing but revenge was brewing in your head. That’s why you’re hurting me. You think taking me in this brutal way will help with the dark pain you must be feeling. You got pierced to trick me on my wedding night. You’re forcing yourself on me every day, thinking it’ll make you and him even.”
“But it doesn’t,” he groaned, pounding me again. “I try and try to get him out of my head, to stop seeing him inside you, to lie to myself and say I’m the only one fucking you, but I can’t get that fucking picture out of my head. It fucking kills me. I want to rip my own eyes out so I won’t see it again.” His thrusts hurt, but it was his pain that split me apart. “So yes, I want to watch him do it again only so I fuck you right after, only so I can relive that misery while I rewrite my own version. One I can fucking live with without losing my goddamn mind.”
“You’re sick, Tirone. Sicker than I’ve ever imagined.”
He moved faster, harder. “If I’m sick, what does that make you?”
My tears dropped on the desk. “What does it make me?”
His groans of climax filled my ear while his cum filled my pussy. “The fucking disease.”
CHAPTER 43
Jo
How deep would you drown before you were saved? How long would you endure punishment in order to be redeemed? How much pain could you take if absolution was the reward?
For me, burdened with guilt and shame all my life, I’d take it all. The real question was, how long could I stand before the pain shattered me?
Tonight, I was coming face to face with the answer.It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves.
The lounge vibrated with one of the MC notorious parties for no reason except being another power move in the psychological warfare between the Night Skulls and the mob. Laius, however, said it was for me to get my head off things after my last anxiety attack.
I’d stopped getting those when Tirone and I were together, just like the nightmares. He was my therapy. The only form I could get. I couldn’t risk seeing a therapist. Doctor patient confidentiality wasn’t in the mob dictionary. If the Larvins had ever decided to look into me and found a therapist that had all my secrets, they’d have gotten them, and they would have found me through the therapist after murdering them, of course.
But living with the MC, partying like there was no tomorrow, despite what Laius claimed, wasn’t therapeutic. It might have worked for him, but it didn’t help Tirone with his own issues and anger bursts—like Laius had hoped instead of sending him to real therapy—or kept my PTSD under control. If anything, our mental health had taken a new low.
I wouldn’t blame the MC, though. I was Jocasta Larvin. The unwanted child. The bastard marred with sin. The girl doomed to misery. The Irish with no luck. Catastrophes followed me wherever I went. The past wouldn’t leave me be, seeking my long-overdue death, and the future was bitter with a psychopathic revenge for the forbidden waters I’d drowned in.
Under different circumstances, living here could have been the happiest time of my life, and a party like this one and loving, protective arms like Laius’s could have been all the therapy I needed. But for now, I grabbed a bottle of bourbon.
Laius, all smiles, shared it with me at first, but after several swigs, the smiles vanished. “Easy on the booze, Jo.”
I took another swig, feeling the burn down my throat. “It’s a party, ain’t it?” I drawled awkwardly, my voice taking a husky edge.
“I’ve never seen you with a fucking beer. Now, you’re gulping down bourbon…from the bottle?”
“Well, I’m not afraid of liver cancer. I’ll be dead way faster.” I pointed my fingers like a gun. “Pew! Pew!”
“You’re not gonna die, Jo. I promised you I’d protect you, and I promised you the Larvins would be dead before they touched a fucking hair of yours.”
But could he protect me from my worst mistake? The psycho monster that had been violating me under his roof? The devil he fathered? The son I’d made him promise not to hurt?
I’d been thinking about Tirone’s demand since he dared make it. Every corner of my mind refused it, begged me not to fall for another one of his traps. He couldn’t be telling the truth. He just wanted to break me. Even if I agreed to that stoop so low in sin and taboo, even if I managed to arrange for the impossible and had Tirone watch me with his father only to fuck me right after without being caught, he’d never let me go.
However, part of me clung to the sliver of hope he could be telling the truth. What if that forbidden scenario was going to be his cure and my freedom from the prison of his excruciating obsession? I knew I was being an idiot to even consider going through with such sickness or believing a word Ty would say, but what did I have to lose? He’d fuck me again and again whether I liked it or not, and I’d just take it so I wouldn’t hurt Laius or ruin my marriage. Until I couldn’t. Until all was lost like Tirone wanted.
Indulging that one last wish could be my salvation or the final straw. Either way, it’d be over. If it worked, the three of us would be saved. If it failed, then at least, I’d tried.
Remember the last time you tried something so desperate to save someone you loved?The sight of the blood coming out of my mom’s skull assaulted me. I lifted the bottle to my lips, but Laius yanked it out of my hand.
