“I think you’re an asshole, Greyland.” Her voice came out soft and without its usual edge of hardness whenever she spoke to me. “And it has nothing to do with Raeya.”
“I know,” I said. I still didn’t let go of her wrist. Her back was to me, and I slowly turned her around, forcing her to look at me. “I’m sorry.”
She started crying, so many people had been since the fighting ended, and weeks later, it didn’t stop. There was so much death, so much loss, that I kept trying to find deserted places to escape it all. But hers—Lilia’s grief—I didn’t want to run away from it.
Her head tilted up to look at me. I abandoned her wrist, only to wipe at her tears.
“Sorry for what?” she asked, holding her breath.
“For everything. School. What happened with Lander. For not stopping it sooner. But I’m not sorry for using my illusion on you when we fought.”
She tried pulling away, not liking what I said, but I cupped her face. “Lilia. I’m not sorry because I would do it again and again if it meant keeping you alive.”
Her lips parted. Her breathing hitched.
Say it. Say it, Greyland. Admit to everything. Tell her about the dreams.
“I like you, Lilia.”
Coward. I was a fucking coward.
I didn’t give her time to think before I leaned forward and kissed her in real life.
And fucking Pylemo. It was divine. It was better than what I imagined in my dreams.
She tasted like heaven and wine and everything fucking blissful in the world.
And what had me fucking losing my mind, what had me cursing and moaning her name, was that Lilia Evalyn Fervic was kissing me back.
EIGHTY-ONE
SIE
I couldn’t believeI was still alive. I expected this outcome, that we’d win, I just didn’t think I’d be breathing long enough to be a part of it. I never imagined returning to Allium with everyone.
I only had snippets of memories from the mountain. I remember seeing Scotlind pass out. I remember Tezya screaming. I knew I teleported them, but only the Goddess fucking knows how I managed to pull that off. I was told I was out for two days. Scottie had been out for five.
A bandage was wrapped over my wrist and around my hand. The healers tried to save it. When I threw myself in front of Tezya, my arm was stretched and the dagger sliced through my wrist, hitting an artery. It left me with severe nerve damage, and I lost almost all feeling below my elbow.
I wiggled my fingers through the bandage, wondering if I would ever be as good of a fighter again. I didn’t even know if I would be able to properly hold a utensil, nonetheless a blade. I would have to retrain myself on everything I knew with my left.
I had no idea why I did it. I hadn’t expected or meant to. I didn’t even realize I liked or cared for the guy. But once I sawthe King use electricity on Tezya, I knew he wouldn’t be able to function long enough to burn the dagger before it reached him. I felt enough of Rainer’s power to know the ability was debilitating. It was going to kill him. I reacted without thinking and teleported in front of him in the split second it took the dagger to fly through the air.
I thought of Scotlind. After everything she’d been through, I didn’t want to see her hurting anymore. There was a part of me that would always care for her.
But then there was another part of me, a much deeper part, that was starting to accept that he was family. He was my half brother, which made him Greyland’s half brother, and even though Grey didn’t know it yet, I hated the idea of him losing another family member. Our parents’ deaths were already too much for him.
But here I was, alive, just not whole. Fighting had become my identity over the past couple of weeks at the camp, and now I couldn’t even properly do that. Not that anyone was up for sparring or training anymore. Everyone was exhausted and beyond wounded. There weren’t enough healers to go around.
I pushed down the heaviness I felt about losing Moli. I hated that I always thought of her. Anytime I was with the healers, I knew she would have been helping day in and out, healing anyone and everyone she could.
I couldn’t grasp how I made it out alive when the entire world hated me, but Moli and my mother didn’t. Moli was so pure and innocent. She wouldn’t hurt a fly. And my mother’s only fault was marrying my father. But now they were both gone, and I was here.
I knew my chances of survival were limited to begin with, especially with how I was painted during the broadcasts, and although they tried to set the record straight during our own broadcasts after the battles, there were many Advenians who didn’t believe it. They needed someone to blame for the loss oftheir loved ones, and I was the easiest target. It was hard to forget the image of the fucking ‘S’s carved into all the dead bodies.
I still had to watch my back. I wasn’t liked or welcomed. I was more feared than anything, but I didn’t mind. The only people I needed in my life were still alive—Peter and Grey—so that was good enough for me. Everyone else could go to hell for all I cared.
“Hey,” a soft voice called out. Everyone was now in Tennebris. It was larger than Lux and housed the spacecraft. It took about three weeks to convince the Luxians of our plans and another two to prepare for the journey.
