“What’s wrong?” I asked. I wanted him to press further in, to completely fill me. I needed to be close to him—needed our bodies to become one.
“Your first time should not be on a fucking table.”
I reached up, bending forward to wrap my hands around his neck, kissing his thought away. “Tezya, I want you. Like this. Right now. On this table.” I jutted my hips toward him for emphasis, and he moaned as the tip of him thrusted inside me.My eyelids fluttered back as a loud gasp escaped me. I had no idea what having sex would feel like, but I didn’t imagine this. My adrenaline was working in overdrive as I adjusted to the feeling, half in pain, half in pleasure, and I couldn’t tell which sensation was winning. But I didn’t want him to stop.
Tezya leaned forward, gently guiding me back down against the cold table, but I barely felt it. His hands rested around my cheeks as he kissed me, this time soft and slow. “You’re not playing fair when you do something like that,” he teased, but he was smiling as he kissed me.
“I mean it. I don’t want this any differently.” I cupped his face, capturing anything else he wanted to say with a kiss. We stayed like that, he didn’t move further into me or pull out as he kissed my lips gently, as I kissed him back just as slowly, savoring him.
“Are you sure?” Tezya asked between breathy kisses. “I can do this right with—”
“Yes,” I cut him off with another kiss. “Tezya. Please.”
He was quiet for a minute, studying my face, before he conceded, “This might hurt. Tell me if you need me to stop.”
I nodded slowly. His hands found mine, our fingers interlocking above my head as he slid the rest of the way in, completely filling me. I cried out at the first thrust. A sharp jolt of pain shot through me, all ending to where he was inside of me. He paused for a moment, resting his forehead against mine. “Is this okay?”
I didn’t respond at first, needing to sort through how I was feeling. “Just. Go. Slow.” I panted the words out in small breaths, breathing heavily into his mouth.
“Tell me if it’s too much,” he said again. When I nodded, he found my lips, kissing me through it, soft and gentle as he moved in and out.
Again and again. He pulled out slowly, unhurried, before gently easing back in, stretching me bit by bit as I got used tothe feel of him. Each one was met with a kiss, his breathing quicker than usual. Mine was just as rushed and winded.
I could tell he was holding back, waiting until I adjusted. I focused on kissing him, on the feeling of his lips against mine and tried to block out the searing pain that was mixed with pleasure.
Eventually my thighs relaxed, and my posture became less rigid. The next time he pushed forward, he slid further in, almost completely inside. I could feel myself growing wet, taking the pain away with it as I adjusted to the feeling of him. My eyes closed as my head tilted back. Tezya noticed my change but was still holding back, hesitating. “Does it still hurt?” he whispered.
I shook my head, unable to muster many words. “Good. It feels… good… now. I want… more.”
He smiled, quickening the pace in an instant, finally letting himself move the way he needed. I inhaled sharply as he grabbed my chin by my jaw, turning my head to the side. His teeth dragged over the flesh he just made raw.
“You’re mine,” he said as he sucked my neck. The feeling of his lips on my skin, of him moving inside me, was becoming my undoing. He wasn’t holding back now, he wasn’t slowing. My only answer was a moan. I couldn’t form words, couldn’t think.
“Fuck. You feel so good.” His one hand gripped my hip, his strength punishing. His other kneading my breast, his thumb grazing across my nipple. I couldn’t control the noises that left me. I couldn’t control the shake that started in my legs as they wrapped around his hips, trapping him against me.
This feeling was everything. I had no idea where he started and I stopped, and I didn’t want to find out. I wanted to be together, to always be a tangle of limbs and ragged panting forever.
My back arched off the table, putting him deeper inside me,but in the process, my head whipped back and thudded against the wood.
“Oww,” I groaned, rubbing the back of it. We both laughed, Tezya smiling as he leaned down and started kissing my neck, then cradled my head in his hands so it wasn’t pressed into the hard surface anymore. My eyes kept fluttering, my nails scraping down his back, indenting into the scars across his body.
It still wasn’t enough. I neededeverything. I still wanted more, needed to be closer to him.
I reached my arm across his chest and yanked the dagger out of the wood. His eyes flashed, his movements slowed but didn’t stop. His hands left my head and slid down me until they rested at my hips.
“I want to,” I stuttered, barely getting the words out. His eyebrows furrowed in confusion until I turned my hand over.
“Are you sure?” His eyes widened as he stilled, completely stopping now, but he didn’t pull out of me. “If we do this, it can’t be undone.”
“I’m sure.” And I was. I wanted to complete the bond. I’d never been so certain about anything in my entire life. Because when something horrible happened, he was the only person I wanted comforting me. When I had exciting news, he was the first one I wanted to share it with. And when the nights grew as cold and dark as that tub had felt, I wanted his flames to melt the frozen water off my body. I wanted his fire to consume and devour me until I was only ash in his hands and there was nothing left of my existence.
I was nothing more than a moth attracted to the fiery blaze that was him, and I was no longer scared of being burned.
TWENTY-ONE
TEZYA
I stilled,watching as Scotlind gently dragged the blade across her scab, reopening it. Her sapphire eyes were a deep blue as she pressed the hilt of the dagger into my own hand, waiting for me to do the same. I repositioned it, turning the blade over. As I did, I felt the back of her with my cock. I still hadn’t pulled out—didn’t ever want to. But fuck. She felt so damn good that it was hard to focus on the task. But I wanted this more than the feeling of being inside of her. I wanted all of her, every single damning inch.
