He went for me again, and only then did it flick back on. I moved, regardless that he couldn’t grab me.
“Did someone try to touch you?” he taunted. “Is that what sparked it? Someone got too close and you didn’t like it?”
Flashbacks of the night my Token manifested were creeping to the surface of my mind. I tried so hard to push it down, to forget…
“GET OUT!” I hated that my voice was shaking, that my onesecond of bravado was fleeting. He could see right through me, knew exactly what fueled my nightmares…
“I can’t do that.” He came toward me again. And again. And again. Each time I moved out of the way, and thanked the Suns my Token wasn’t fading. “My king ordered me to train you, so like it or not, I need to make sure you have enough control over it. You won’t be the reason I disappoint him.”
I started hyperventilating. I kept mistaking his blonde features for Dahes’ white ones every time he came at me. And even though all he tried to do was grab onto my arm, my brain was registering the threat the same as before. I kept imagining the bed Dahes threw me on, kept hearing the rip in my dress as Dahes tore it…
“You need to get over your fear,” he said, finally stopping. I had no idea how long we played cat and mouse, how long he kept lunging at me. My breathing turned ragged, my vision blurred, and I felt like I was going to faint. I wasn’t sure if it was from using my Token for too long, from what Cash was trying to do, or if it was the altitude like the drakin had told me about.
You’ll probably be sick for a couple of days before you adjust. It gets worse before it gets better.
“The key with necessity Tokens is to eliminate the need,” Cash continued, drawing my mind back. I could feel my Token going in and out—I was color then not, tangible then not. “Even though that’s what started it all, it’s irrelevant now. You have your Token for life, so turn it into a desire. If it stays a necessity, it will only activate when your body feels a similar threat that started it all. But if you turn it into a want, you’ll be able to call upon it whenever you want.”
His words hit me like a brick as I staggered back. It made sense. Our Tokens originally manifested either by want or need, but I didn’t realize I could change it, didn’t realize that the key to controlling my power was to control my own mind.
I scoffed. My mind wasn’t even my own anymore. I had no control of it, not while I was still Dahes’ slave. Not while I was forced to go on hunts and do things that would haunt me long after my body stopped moving.
“Work on it,” he said. “I want you practicing every night. Figure out what your fear is and overcome it. If you don’t, your transparency will only come out during similar situations.”
Cash left, leaving me standing in the middle of the room, unable to breathe as my transparency flickered on and off like a flame moving through the wind.
Could I control it? Could I control my mind? Could I force myself to overcome what happened that night? What Dahes tried to do…
I fell onto the marbled floor, the room kept spinning as glimpses of that night crashed into me. My breaths came quick and shallow, my lungs wouldn’t work long enough to inhale. Knots formed in my stomach as waves of nausea started clawing up my throat now that Cash was gone.
I rolled over before throwing up whatever Dahes had me eat for dinner before I left.
Then I blacked out.
Chapter Twelve
Suns-cursed
MAGNOLIA
Iwoke up still on the floor.
I couldn’t move, couldn’t think beyond the fact that my lungs weren’t expanding and my head felt like daggers had embedded into my temples with the blades twisting.
The suns flickered into the room, making my already pounding headache unbearable. It was the only reason I knew I’d been in and out of consciousness all night.
I threw up three more times, but now it was all bile. I couldn’t remember the last time I felt like this.
The pounding against my head grew to the point where it was all I could focus on. Every time I tried to open my eyes, the room spun, making everything so hazy that I clamped them shut.
At some point, I heard another knock on the door. I counted twenty ear-splintering pounds against the wood before someone cursed and opened the door.
“Suns-cursed,” a deep voice swore. “What in Dahes’ Hell are you doing on the floor?”
I felt my body being turned over. I squinted against the brightness, moaning, and trying not to vomit all over again.
Strong arms scooped under my knees and around my back,carrying me to what I assumed was the bed as I sank against soft cushions.
“What are you doing, Bran? King Elion requested her at breakfast. You can’t put her back to bed.” It was another voice. Softer. Lighter.
