I didn’t delude myself into thinking it’d be more than a passing glimpse of him, but even just to see his face again would mean theworld to me. Just to know he was safe, to see him with my own eyes, to know that everything I had suffered through over these past seven years had been worth it…
I forced myself to calm my heart, to breathe steadily as I let everything settle into me.
Iwouldfinish this hunt. Nothing would stop me from seeing Masin again.
But first, I had to face my fear of Dahes, of what happened that night… I needed to be able to control my Token—because I refused to let him make me his whore.
I wasn’t sure if it was the finality of knowing that I wasn’t safe here, that maybe a small part of me kept praying for the outcome where Dahes couldn’t reach me, but my reality came crashing back to me like a tidal wave.
It took me five cycles of breathing before I could stand, then another two before I got the courage to open the door.
But the moment I did, I froze. Arrik was waiting for me outside the closet, leaning against the far wall with his hands in his pockets.
The perfect picture of cool indifference.
Shit.
His eyes tracked my movements. I thanked the Suns I wasn’t crying. It was a small mercy because I was one hundred percent certain he heard my ragged breathing, but at least my eyes weren’t swollen.
“Still want to stay?” he asked, his voice low, but when I looked up at his face, his gaze was soft.
I wanted to punch him. It felt like a mockery of everything I actually wanted and nothing I could have. I hated that he kept reminding me that I wouldn’t be free. Even though his words didn’t hold the same intention, every time he told me to go to Fourth Province, it felt like a tiny stab to my heart, like the dagger was digging deeper each time I couldn’t, each time I was reminded that I would never be free.
Instead, I forced myself to smile. “Yes,” I ground out, trying my best to get my voice to sound sweet instead of strained.
Because I wasn’t leaving. I couldn’t.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Vinculum Bonds
MAGNOLIA
The walk down to the Dome had to be the most awkward twenty minutes of my life.
Arrik didn’t say anything to me, and since my meltdown took longer than I thought, everyone was already crammed into their seats.
With each step I took, I told myself I was over it. I wasn’t going to let myself think about it anymore.
I’d seen some of the most gruesome deaths. Hell, Dahes made me be the one to carry some out. If I could block that out, I could push everything else down too, bury it so deep within me that it wouldn’t come back to the surface.
But watching Arrik climb down the stairs was a constant reminder. He might have no idea what caused my meltdown, but he still witnessed it. Embarrassment clung to me because I couldn’t wipe that off, couldn’t take that back.
Maybe he thought I was scared, maybe he figured he succeeded and finally got under my skin, that I was considering taking him up on his offer and running.
I wish.
Hearing I was Dahes’ whore caught me off guard. I let myselfunravel. My walls had been slowly crumbling from the moment I entered Viven that I lost control over my emotions.
Instead of being able to make myself numb, my emotions were controlling me. It was like I was a puppet, forced to move and act depending on which way the strings tugged, my thoughts pulling everything into a hundred different directions, unraveling the tightly wound ball I had forced into knots.
Having Dahes inside my head again sent everything further down my desolation. It was confirmation that any fantasy I deluded myself into thinking wasn’t reality.
And right now, I needed to focus. I had to cut the strings and let myself fall.
This was the last day in the Dome, and I was nowhere near figuring out this hunt or controlling my Token.
By the time Arrik and I entered through the archway, I froze. I knew there were going to be dragons today, but I wasn’t prepared for the amount.
