“And drink,” Laxin added, re-extending his hand to offer me the glass.
I still didn’t take it.
“You decide how long we’re here for,” Cash shrugged at Laxin’s still extended hand. “But you’re having a drink, so the sooner you accept that, the quicker this will be.”
Breathe. One. Two. Three. Four. Exhale.
I grabbed the drink, my hand shaking as half of it spilled over my fingers and onto my lap.
Cash draped himself next to me, scanning the room with a sinful curiosity. I stared at my hand. It was so pale compared to everyone in Viven, probably from years of lacking sunlight, but it was starting to turn red from the past couple of days standing on the balcony. Some patches were peeling from scattered superficial burns.
I wanted it all gone. The moans alone made me want to crawl out of my own skin and wish for the dagger Dahes always gave me during my hunts just so I could carve all my flesh off my body.
The room smelled too musky, too damp, too metallic.
I refused to look, just kept staring at my hand and the half-spilled glass I was clutching in it. It was filled with a yellow-tinged liquid.
My hand was sticky…
Laughter jostled me as Cash moved next to me. He dragged a girl onto his lap. I saw a flash of dark skin before I snapped my gaze back to myself.
“Watch,” Cash ordered. I looked up at him.
“Why are you doing this?” My voice was weak. The girl had golden blonde hair, but my mind kept distorting it into Dahes’ white strands instead.
Laxin took a sip from his drink as he eyed our encounter, not saying anything.
“Because you need to get over your fear,” Cash said, his hand gliding down the girl’s bare back. “You need to realize that physical touch can be fucking fun. That it’senjoyable.”
I shook my head, my own gaze snapping back to my drink.
Laxin leaned forward, and my stupid Token wasn’t coming forward, no matter how much I willed it. He cupped my chin, hisbreath hitting my face, and the reek of alcohol was overpowering the sweat from the girl next to me on Cash’s lap.
“Take a sip from your drink and watch, or I’ll make you go on his lap instead.”
I did, the fear of his threat gripping me in a chokehold. The drink was bitter, but I forced it down, then took a staggered breath before I forced myself to look at Cash.
Breathe. One. Two. Three. Four. Exhale.
The girl was completely naked, save for a large necklace that kept bouncing off her chest. She was grinding her hips against Cash’s crotch, her head tilted back as she stared at the ceiling.
Then she was gone, and it was Dahes I was seeing instead of her. He was on top ofme, ripping the slip off my body…
I dropped my drink, the glass shattering to the ground, before I felt my Token flickering on and off.
Breathe. One. Two?—
I couldn’t breathe. My normal cycle of breaths weren’t working because air couldn’t get into my lungs. I started wheezing, my chest constricting to the point of pain.
“Fucking hell, it’s just sex, Nollie,” Cash cursed.
But it wasn’t. In my mind, I couldn’t stop seeing him. My head throbbed and I swore I felt his nails scrape down my scalp even though I knew it was all in my head. He wasn’t here.
I was clenching my temples, my eyes long past shut, as I started rocking.
Get out. Get out of my head.
Someone grabbed me and I screamed. I was being dragged to my feet and pulled through the room, but I couldn’t get myself to open my eyes.
