“I think,” Sami interjected in the gentlest voice Baz had heard from him, “what Baz is saying is, having to fight for themselves for so long was hard in ways you can never make up for.”
“I know.”A tear ran down Jack’s cheek.“I can never undo the harm I caused you, but I promise that will not stop me from trying, if you’ll allow me.I just… I wanted you to know that.”
Baz squeezed his lips shut.Jack’s words shouldn’t mean anything.They didn’t!So why was there a part of him thatwantedto believe?How naive could he be?
Eevee said something about… he didn’t even know.His ears felt clogged up with water, distorting the voices around him.Something about their move?Their life here?Sharing details of what Jack had missed like he had been in a coma instead of being a dirtbag, and Baz just… His fingers clawed into his thigh, he rocked back and forth in his seat, he couldn’t… H-he needed…
“Hey,” Sami whispered, the words suddenly crystal clear.“I think I forgot my phone in your car.Do you wanna help me look for it?”
Baz grabbed the lifesaver with both hands and walked out of the room before Sami could even stand.
“We’ll be right back,” he heard Sami say behind him.
Sami caught up with him in the stairwell and hooked his hand under his elbow, silent.Baz couldn’t even appreciate the touch.
What kind of idiocy would it be to let Jack back into his life?Even if he had gotten his shit together, did that entitle him to a second chance?At what, parenting?Too late for that.
So, what did he want then?To bask in their successes and pretend it was somehow his achievement too?
How could Baz ever trust the man who had failed them so spectacularly?
“Who says you have to trust him right away again?”That was Sami—only then did Baz realize he had said all that aloud, announced his business for the whole neighborhood to hear.He buried his face in his hands, grabbed fistfuls of his hair.Fuck, this was such a mess.
“Hey.”Sami eased open Baz’s hands.“You’re wise to keep a distance and be vigilant.You are nowhere near the forgive and forget stage after a few apologetic words.But do you think you might want a relationship with the version of your dad you’ve seen today?”
“I… If what he says is true…” Which it wasn’t.
Unless it was.And if so, if Jack had tried with their mom, if he had gotten his shit together…
Baz lost nothing by shutting him out, but he might if Jack flaked out again.What was there to gain, anyway?A father?Please.A bigger family?
A plaster for the wound on his soul that had never stopped bleeding?
If Jack had truly evolved past his bigotry, processed his pain… they never had grieved together.Baz would rather lick the dirty ground than admit he had missed Jack in his life, because he hadn’t.But maybe, sometimes, he had missed having a parent.If Jack was capable of becoming one now…
“Maybe,” Baz said.“Yes.I don’t know.”
Sami’s thumb stroked his cheek.Their chests touched as he leaned in.“You don’t have to know.What if you take it one day at a time, see where it takes you?If he gives you a reason to doubt him again?”
Bazwasgood at keeping his guard up.At least with everyone who wasn’t a confident, quick-witted, bold opposing counsel with a body to die for.“That could work.”
He barely had time to admire Sami’s pleased—dare he say proud—smile before Sami pressed a kiss on the corner of his mouth.
“The bright side in all of this is, your dad is hot.”
A bellowing laugh busted out of Baz, loud and cleansing, coming from a place inside of him he had not known existed.“Oh my god.”
“Seriously, if you look like him in thirty years, damn.I got a real catch here.”
Sami still saw them together in thirty years?Baz’s stomach fluttered.“You’re right, that is the bright side.”
He tugged at Sami’s shirt, begged him closer.And that wonderful man wrapped both his arms around Baz’s neck, held him unwaveringly, unapologetically.The pain in Baz’s chest imploded.His whole body shivered from the shockwaves.
He clung to Sami with all his strength, and Sami went nowhere.Didn’t push him away, didn’t let go.And somehow, breathing got easier again.Somehow, he felt lighter.
Free.
Slowly, Baz eased his grip.Only then did Sami let go too, enough for Baz to kiss his forehead.
