“I’m sorry,” was all Baz could say again.Slowly, to give Sami the chance to step away if this wasn’t what he needed, he circled his arms around Sami’s waist.Their eyes met with an intensity that made Baz’s breath hitch.
“What really hurts is that someone who looks like you could jump on a plane tomorrow, and you’d have no trouble seeing what’s become of my village.You could move to Haifa if you wanted to and no one would bat an eye.But teta, Mama, me… One day, when we are free.In sha Allah.”
A spark gleamed through the clouds of pain, full of determination, resilience.Baz’s heart cried out for him.He squeezed Sami, hoping the tight embrace would do the same for him as it had for Baz earlier.
A sniffle trembled through Sami’s shoulders.He turned and pressed his face into the crook of Baz’s neck.Being entrusted to hold Sami like this was a privilege Baz might never get enough of.
He pressed a kiss on Sami’s head, glided his fingers through the messy curls.If only he could do more.
“If you keep kissing my forehead, I might fall in love with you.”Sami’s words were muffled by Baz’s collar.Promise or joke, Baz couldn’t tell.But he could—and did—kiss Sami’s forehead again.
“You dick.”Sami made a sound that couldn’t make up its mind whether it was a laugh or a sob.He wiped the wetness from his eyes.
There was so much Baz had to learn about him still, about the shadows that were haunting him, the stories that made him laugh and cry all at once.He hoped to hear them all one day.
“Thank you for sharing this with me.I don’t know what to say to somehow make this less painful, but if you ever want to talk or just… anything, I’d like to be there for you.If you want that too.I mean, if not, that’s fine.I don’t want to force—”
Sami kissed him.Demanding, tender, a touch so full of something Baz didn’t have words for.It was a candle in the dark, an ever-growing spark filling him with golden sunlight, a feeling so pure, if it were projected onto the rest of the world, it would see humans embrace each other and empires crumble.That was the magic of Sami’s touch.
He had turned Baz’s whole world upside down, and for once, Baz welcomed the change—he had been oblivious to how much he’d needed it.Sami made him feel alive,complete,like he had finally found the place he belonged.Someonewith whom he belonged.
The door fell shut.Sami’s lips vanished, their heads turned at the same time.Naija was on her toes, her lower lip pulled down apologetically.
“Sorry.I didn’t mean to interrupt.”
“Uh.”Baz’s ears were on fire.How much had she heard?Did she think they were just making out for no reason when that wasn’t—or was it?
Would Sami mind doing more of that, kissing for the sake of kissing?
“You didn’t.”Sami cleared his throat and peeled himself out of Baz’s embrace.Right.
Baz banished the irrational, shrinking feeling in his chest.Of course things weren’t like that between them.
“I should…” Baz pointed to the door.“I mean, you have work.Against me.”
Sami nodded.His lips were beautifully kiss-swollen, slightly parted, so inviting… God, if Baz didn’t leave now, he never would, not without giving Naija a performance the thin walls could not contain.His knees wobbled at every step.
Sami didn’t stop him.He didn’t move at all, though his gaze prickled on Baz’s neck.
The air brimmed around Naija.Her silent smile felt loaded.
“Uh.Bye.”Baz pulled the door shut behind him.His hand lingered on the doorknob.He closed his eyes as he drew a deep breath to calm the heat wallowing through his body.The ghost of Sami’s kiss tingled on his lips.
He couldn’t resist tracing them with his thumb, still sensitive to his touch, lighting fireworks inside him.
A high-pitched squeak from inside made him flinch.The floor vibrated under steadythumpsas if someone was jumping up and down, followed by Sami’s throaty laugh, his demand for Naija to “shut up!”
Baz chuckled breathlessly.Perhaps thingscouldbe like that between them after all.The giddy feeling that thought sowed in him carried him down the stairs.A part of his heart he left behind in the tiny apartment; he had a feeling Sami would take good care of it.
Chapter twenty-two
Thebirds’beautifulsongguided Baz out of the lands of sleep on Monday morning.He grunted as he stretched his arms over his head and rolled his shoulders back.
Was Sami feeling this good today too?
A smile spread on Baz’s face as he reached for his phone.No new messages.They better rectify that.
Good morning, Sami.<3
