Ryder looked sick, as if he’d puke right on the living room carpet. “Finn, it wasn’t like that.”
My mouth was dry. “Wasn’t like what?”
Ryder moved his eyes from Lena to the floor to mine. “It was a joke, and I abandoned it. I take full responsibility for what happened on the jet ski. I was a gigantic piece of shit, and I apologized. But you came onto me after that, remember? That’s not an excuse, and I can understand if you’re upset.”
I stopped listening halfway through and asked Lena, “You knew I had the hots for him forever?”
They looked at each other. She said, “Um, well… yeah. I knew.”
“For how long?” I wasn’t sure if my heart stopped or if it just skipped a beat.
She swallowed again. “Since… forever? Since we met you?”
“Holy fucking shit.” I was dizzy, but focused on Ryder. “And you talked about it with her? Who else knew? Who else did you talk about me with? Like that?”
Ryder inched closer to the couch, his face whitening with each step. “Yes, Lena and I spoke about it. But it wasn’t serious—”
“I was serious. And I was right. Let’s just forget about—”
“Shut the FUCK up, Lena,” Ryder said, silencing her. “My brother and parents. I had thought it, but none of them did until I came out. It was more obvious after that.”
It felt like the ceiling was caving in. My chest hurt, and my hands shook. “Holyfuckingshit, Ryder. What did they say?”
“Miles denied it, so did my dad. But my mom agreed.” Ryder sounded like he was dying. But I was.
“So I was just… what? The laughingstock of your whole fucking family? Oh, there’s Finn, he’s clearly queer for his best friend’s older brother. Ha hafuckingha?”
Ryder shook his head. “No, no. Nothing like that. Not at all. They love you so much. It was just like noticing it and mentioning it. For fuck’s sake,I’mgay, so it wasn’t like a bad thing. It wasn’t a big deal.”
“You were all laughing at me behind my back for ten fucking years, and it wasn’t a big deal?” My heart thudded almost as loud as my voice.
“No, not laughing at you, more like laughing at the idea of it, I guess. I—”
“So you knew I was attracted to you, and you still fucking did that shit on the jet ski as some fucked uprevenge? Was that a big fucking joke, too? Am I?”
“No, Finn, listen, I—”
My head swam. “I need to get the fuck outta here,” I said and stood up.
I walked back to his bedroom to get my shit. Ryder followed, saying, “I understand why you’re upset, and why it sounds bad. But it’s not like how you’re imagining it. Please let me explain.”
I stripped off his shorts, dressed in my clothes from the night before, and found my phone, keys, and wallet. Ryder said, “Talk to me. I’m your boyfriend. We gotta talk about shit, remember?”
We locked eyes. “Did you come on to me in Miami to get back at Miles, or because you were into me, too?”
Ryder looked terrified. But he wouldn't lie. Not to me. “Both.” He hung his head after it left his lips.
I walked past him, through his apartment, and out the door. Lena said, “Finn, please don’t go. I’m so sorry,” as the door slammed behind me.
Chapter Nineteen
Finn
As the best man, I had to be at the church for the rehearsal fifteen minutes early. I didn’t have the rings, and wouldn’t until right before the ceremony. The ring bearer would shuttle a fake set. Poor kid, probably thought he had some big, important job, but it was a lie. I’d have to put them in a different pocket so they’d get married with the real ones, which the bride reminded me of three freaking times, asking me to repeat which side would have the genuine rings and which the fake.
The church they chose was two towns over. I guess I shouldn’t saythey, the church Bree chose was a good twenty-minute ride from our town. But it was this old cathedral, and it was pretty nice, I guess. Gothic, I think, was the word I’d heard people call buildings like that. I couldn’t care less. It was stone and gray, with colorful windows.
Bree wanted me and the maid of honor to meet with them and the priest before the rest of the party showed up. Then we’d all do whatever the hell people are supposed to do at a wedding rehearsal, and head over to the dinner an hour later.
