It was the first time all day I wanted to talk to Ryder. Because, if nothing else, if we never spoke again, and I cut contact with the entire Beckett family, I needed to know why he didn’t tell me, and why the fuck he…
Oh shit. Ohfuck. Ryder didn’t hook up with me to get back at Miles, not alone, buther.If he fucked me, then either way, the best man was going to be a cocksucker. Devious, but brilliant. It made me laugh out loud.
Bree said, “Right!” I didn’t know what she was saying, nor did I give a single shit.
I had half a mind to tell Bree I was a cocksucker, and I fucking loved it. But it wasn’t worth it. She was drunk and a despicable piece of shit. Nothing I could say would matter. The damage she’d already done made me want to vomit.
I wanted to believe it was all her. But Miles let it happen. He sat back and watched, or made the calls himself. Why? Why would he do that? For such a hateful, nasty, spite-filled woman? Because she was hot? So was he! He could get pussy from anyone he wanted.
Unless he was a bigot too. I couldn’t begin to imagine that. But he’d changed so much, without me noticing… maybe it was possible. Or if not a full-blown bigot, at least hateful enough to allow all that to happen.
“Thanks for the ride, best man!” Bree said once I parked in front of her hotel. Then leaned over to kiss my cheek.
“Uh-huh,” I said, wiping it off.
After she got Bell from the backseat, I peeled out of the parking lot, wishing I were in one of those trucks that left a cloudof black smoke in my wake. I had to tell myself not to speed. I couldn’t have the conversation I was planning on if I were dead.
My stomach curdled, and the steering wheel bit into my fingers. I put the Becketts’ house in my GPS. I wanted to talk to Ryder, but needed to speak with Miles. It was past fucking due I told him exactly what I thought of his bride. And dropped out of the wedding. And maybe broke his nose, depending on what he said.
Chapter Twenty One
Ryder
Icouldn’t believe my sister. I couldn’t fucking believe her. Only ten minutes earlier, she had stormed into my perfect little slice of heaven, just as I was about to have some morning shower sex with my boyfriend, and fucking destroyed it. In ten minutes. Less!
I stared at my closed front door, the slam of Finn’s exit echoing in my mind long after silence had settled in the room. Lena’s eyes burned into me, but she didn’t move. She didn’t even breathe.
“Ry, look, I’m sorry. That was so fucking stupid of me. I just—”
“Get the fuck out.” I stared at the door, willing Finn to walk back through.
“Ryder, please. C’mon,” she whined. “Don’t be nasty to me right now!”
I snapped my head to face her. “Don’tc’monme! Do you have any idea what you just did?” I shook my head. “You know what? It doesn’t fucking matter. Just get the fuck out of my apartment.”
She folded her arms in protest like she did when she was five. “Just stop, okay? I fucked up, and I’m sorry. But how was I supposed to know you never told him any of that?”
I loved my sister. I’d give my life for her, or at least vital internal organs if she ever needed them, but my vision blurred as I tried to restrain myself. “I was going to tell him, GENTLY, before we told anyone else, but youfucking…” I took a breath and forced my eyes closed. “Just leave. Please.”
Her protest turned into a pout. “No. I’m not going anywhere. You should go get him, and we can explain everything.Gently.” Her sarcasm blurred my vision worse.
I flipped her off and stormed into my room to get my phone out of the jeans from the night before.
“You’re being a baby,” Lena said when I walked out, grabbing my keys and wallet.
I flipped her off again, then left, slamming the door as Finn had.
Some part of me thought he’d be there waiting. He wasn’t on the stairs, or in the vestibule, or under the entry awning to my building.
“Finn!” I called out into the parking lot. “Finn! Can we please just talk?”
I felt stupider than I looked. Once I was in my car, I told it to call Finn. It rang until it reached his voicemail. I tried again, sure I’d get the same result, but Finn hit the fuck you button on me. He didn’t want to talk, either right then, or ever again.
I couldn’t blame him. How could I have been so stupid? I knew,knewthat my little brother’s best friend wasn’t a viable option. Take Finn the human out of the equation. Any dude thatwas Miles’s best friend never could’ve been my boyfriend. I was an idiot for thinking it could work.
But that’s the fucking thing, isn’t it? Miles’s best friendwasFinn, and Finn wasn’t just some random dude. He was kind, and caring, and loyal, and so fucking hot it made my blood boil. I loved him with every ounce of myself. In every way I could.
The way his face kind of went blank when he’s figuring something out, or his broad, goofy smile right after he’s gotten it. Or when he scrunches up if he thinks about something gross. Or how he doesn’t want or need anything from me, unless we’re having sex. Then his needs are insatiable. How he makes me feel at ease and alive all at once. How I know, without the shadow of a doubt, that he’d stand by me through anything, just because that’s who he is, a good, honest man, with a heart of gold, and a cock of steel.
