Miles said, “What the fuck? Why would you care? Shelikesyou!”
Lena surged forward, opening her mouth, but snapped it shut and sat back.
I stood and spoke faster than I could think. “Because she treats my best friend, mybrother, likegarbage. Like dog shit on her shoe. Because she’s abigotwho’s tearing your family apart.” My arms drifted up, and my head shook. “Because because because… she disrespected the man I love, and I’llneverletanyonespeak about him like that.”
It took a second to process what I said. I could barely hear my own words over the rushing blood in my ears. Once I did, it stopped me cold.
Miles’s brow came together. “The man you love?”
Alarms blared in my head, and my vision blurred. What had I done? What theFUCKdid I just do? Not like that. Not out of nowhere. I was dizzy and needed to sit down, but so frozen, I couldn’t move, breathe, or fucking blink.
But there was something else, too. A clarity I would’ve been too dense to see months ago. My heart raced, not because I had just come out to the whole Beckett family in the middle of a serious crisis, not because I had just proved them right after years and years, but because I loved Ryder. Even mad, even hurt, and pissed off, and embarrassed, and sad, I still loved him.
I sat down. “Ryder… I love him. We’re… together.”
Miles’s face went blank, like some deep internal error had occurred. Lena’s mouth hung open in a gigantic smile. Mr. Beckett looked just as shocked as his son, and Mrs. Beckett’s eyes fluttered but smiled like her daughter.
Trying to figure it out, Miles said, “Ryder… and… so you’re gay for him?”
My brow set and voice dropped. “And fucking proud of it. Is that a problem?”
Miles shook his head and blinked rapidly, clearing the fog away. “No, of course not, man. Good for you guys, I just… wow. Okay.”
I filled my lungs, smelling the chlorine from the pool. Mrs. Beckett reached across her son to grab my hand and squeeze it. “We’re proud of you, honey. We’ve always loved you like a son.”
Mr. Beckett put a hand on my shoulder and nodded.
“Thanks,” I said as my throat got tight and my chest got tighter. It wasn’t about me, but I was still about to cry in front of them. I wouldn’t add my own emotional upheaval to everything else.
And then the implications came hard and fast. Too many for my brain to deal with at once. Like how I had just chosen the worst possible time to come out to them. Or how I should confess that Ryder was missing because of our fight. Or that I knew Bree was lying at the church. Or that I knew they talked about me, and how hurt I was by it. But there was only one thing I needed to say, what I came to do.
“But—” My voice broke like I was a kid. “Sorry, but I can’t be your best man, number one male, or anything at all. I won’t sign away my brother’s life on a marriage license.”
Miles’s eyes went wide, focusing on each of mine, back and forth, until his face shattered. I was never good at guessing people’s thoughts, but I knew his. The weight of what we’d been trying to tell him had come home.
A deep, howling sob broke from him. “Please, man, please. Don’t abandon me, too. My biological brother is… I can’t lose my chosen brother, too.”
“We’re not abandoning you, bud,” Mr. Beckett said. “We’ll be there. In protest, but we’ll be there.”
His mom said, “And I’m sure Ryder will be there, too. He loves you, Miles, so much. We all do. We’re all here for you.”
“Yeah, you stupid dingus.” Lena laughed through tears I hadn't realized she was shedding. “I’m out of the party, too, obviously. But you’re my brother. I’ll always show up for you. ScrewBrielle, though. Or no, please don’t, like ever again.”
A single chuckle wracked Miles’s body before he groaned from the pit of his stomach and pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes. “My head feels like it’s gonna explode.”
His mom wrapped him in a tight hug. “We love you, honey. And we’re here for you. Forever.”
He sobbed into her neck. “I love you guys so much.”
Miles grabbed my collar and hugged me when she let him go. “I love you, man. It’s great that you and Ry are together,” he said, wetting my neck with tears. “Seriously. It would be freaking awesome if you were my brother-in-law one day.”
“I love you, too,” I said, deciding not to mention how he won’t be allowed to hang out with me anymore once he’s married.
He let me go and looked into my eyes. “If you can’t stand up there, I get it. It’s okay. But please come. I need you there, man. From the bottom of my fucking heart, I need you there.”
“I…” More implications flooded as I searched my best friend’s snotty, swollen face. “I need to find Ryder.” Maybe it would be a fight. Maybe a fuck. Or maybe we’d just hold each other. I didn’t know, but I wasn't doing anything until I spoke to him. “I need to make sure he’s safe, and I need to talk to him. If he’s okay with it, then I’ll be there. But if he’s not… man, you gotta understand.”
Rivers flowed from Miles’s nose, and his eyes were so puffy he looked like he’d been in a fight. He bit his lip and nodded. “Yeah, okay. Yeah.”
