“Is Rex Burris going to order or just hold up the line?”
Noah’s rough voice startled me. I jumped and turned around to see him standing closer that I had anticipated. His eyebrows were drawn together and he was staring Rex down. I glanced over, fully ready to apologize to Rex for Noah’s behavior, but he was just smiling as he met Noah’s gaze.
“Geez, hold your horses, man. I’ll order.” He glanced back over to me, and I offered him an apologetic smile.
“There’s a line forming behind you. If you’re not going to order, you should go.”
I whipped my gaze back to Noah, who hadn’t moved. He was still standing next to me but now had his arms folded across his chest as he continued to glare at Rex.
“Noah,” I whispered. “I’ve got this.”
Noah glanced down at me, and for the first time, I could feel the size difference between us. I wasn’t a short woman. I was 5' 8". But standing next to Noah and his 6' 2" frame made me feel tiny.
Noah held my gaze for what felt like an eternity. There was so much turmoil behind his eyes that it took my breath away. He seemed conflicted about something, but I wasn’t sure what that something was.
Whatever was happening, I needed to calm Noah down and serve Rex. Putting aside the flirting, he was still Abigail’s customer. I wasn’t going to let him go without ordering something.
“Can I get you a lemon poppyseed muffin?” I asked as I lifted my hand and hovered my fingers over the buttons once more. Rex’s gaze was still focused on Noah when I glanced up at him.
I paused, and it took a few seconds for Rex to finally turn his attention to me. His smile returned. “Lemon poppyseed muffin and…” He leaned forward. “Your number?” His voice was low and rumbly, and he punctuated his words with a wink.
I could feel Noah’s entire body stiffen. If Rex noticed, he didn’t show it. Instead, he kept his gaze on me as he waited.
My head was swimming and my stomach ached as I tried to process his words. I hadn’t planned for the flirting to go this far. Did I really think that I could smile, bat my eyelashes, and that would be the end of it?
Flirting led to dating, and dating led to marriage. I knew that. But from my reaction to his question, I clearly wasn’t ready for this.
Any of it.
Tears brimmed my eyes, and my cheeks heated like I had a fever. Needing some fresh air, I turned around. “Excuse me,” I whispered as I pushed past Noah and headed toward the back door.
Once I stepped outside, the door swung shut behind me, and I collapsed against the wall. I dipped my head down and took in a few deep breaths with my eyes closed.
Something was fundamentally wrong with me. I was broken. Even though I wanted to move forward with my life—if for no one else but Timothy—I couldn’t. Even when it was as simple as giving my number to another man, I was paralyzed.
Dating didn’t have to equal marriage. Flirting didn’t mean a lifetime together. But I couldn’t help but feel like I was cheating on Carson. That I wasn’t honoring his memory. He didn’t deserve to die. He should be here, laughing and flirting with me. He should be the father to my future children.
How was his memory going to live on if I chose to move forward? The feel of his fingers threading through mine and the smell of his cologne had started to fade. I wanted to believe that I would always remember him, but my memories of him had become like fog in the early morning. I knew that he would always be with me, but I could no longer see him. Feel him. Remember him.
Introducing another man into my life would cause Carson to disappear completely. I couldn’t do that. I promised to remember. I had to.
I wasn’t sure how long I stood outside before the sound of the back door opening pulled me from my thoughts. I straightened and wiped at my cheeks even though my tears were already dry.
Abigail’s soft smile greeted me when I glanced over my shoulder. The door was shut, and she was standing a few feet away from me with a cautious expression. “You okay?” she asked as she took a step toward me.
I cleared my throat and wiped at my cheeks once more before I nodded. “Yep…mm-hmm…” I turned to face her.
Her eyebrows were drawn together, and as soon as her gaze landed on my face I could see that she didn't believe me for a second. She took another step towards me, her hand out.
"What happened?” she asked as she dipped down to meet my gaze. "Noah wasn’t specific. He just told me to come find you."
I swallowed, the emotions in my throat were choking me. So many thoughts had flooded my mind, and I was unsure which ones I should entertain. Noah hadn’t told her what happened? Why? Noah sent her after me? What happened with Rex? Did Noah finish his order?
I felt like a loser. What was wrong with me? All I had to do was tell Rex that I was flattered but not interested. Why had I run off like I did?
I was a mess.
I forced a smile, hoping to avoid admitting to Abigail that I had just lost my mind in front of her customer who had done nothing wrong. The last thing I wanted was for Abigail to judge me. I wanted the world to think that I had everything under control, even though I felt like I was slowly disappearing inside.
