I was officially losing my mind.
Luckily, Liam could not read minds. And once he was situated across the table from me, he leaned back against his seat and relaxed. I was grateful that he seemed so at ease. I was a wreck inside, but I seemed to be succeeding at hiding it. As long as I was doing that, I might actually survive long enough to convince myself that Liam and I could never be more than what we were.
Acceptance was my goal.
After the waiter dropped off some ice water, Samuel began to fuss. Grateful for the distraction, I moved to unbuckle him from his car seat, but Liam beat me to it. He was already up and had his fingers on the chest buckle. I started to protest, but I knew it would be in vain, so I settled back into my seat.
It was frustrating to watch this man with my son. He looked so at ease, releasing the buckles and picking Samuel up. Samuel in turn cooed and babbled as Liam lifted him over his head and grinned up at him. It was hard not to fall for Liam was he was this kind to Samuel. It was hard not to want Liam to be part of our little, broken family. It was hard not to wish that circumstances were different and Liam was just a guy who’d walked into Honey Bee Library on a random Monday.
Liam successfully distracted Samuel for exactly two minutes. Then the reason for Samuel’s original unrest became clear as his squawks became louder and his face got redder. I reached over to the diaper bag and whipped him up a bottle. Once I handed it over to Liam, the couple seated a few tables away caught my attention. The woman had her phone out, and the man wasn’t hiding the fact that he was staring at us.
My cheeks heated as I glanced over at Liam, who was watching Samuel guzzle down his bottle. I frowned as I glanced back at the couple. They knew I was staring at them, but they didn’t seem to care.
“Liam,” I whispered as I leaned forward. He didn’t hear me, so I tried again, louder this time. “Liam.”
That did the trick. He glanced up at me. I shifted my eyes in the direction of the couple. He frowned. “What?” he asked as he leaned forward. His voice was hushed to match mine.
I gave him an earnest look as I tipped my head toward the couple once more. He held my gaze, and I saw in real time as recognition passed through his eyes. He glanced toward the table and sighed before he shrugged.
“Yep,” he said as he returned to grinning at Samuel.
I frowned. I knew that he was used to this, but he was so apathetic that it confused me. “It’s rude,” I said as I glanced back at the couple and glared at them. They had to know that.
He shrugged. “It’s normal. I’ve gotten so used to it that I don’t really notice anymore.” He looked over at me. “You’ll get there, too.”
My heart skipped a beat. You’ll get there, too. I loved that he saw me in his future. That I would be around long enough to get used to being seen with him. I knew my soul shouldn’t soar at that statement—it didn’t mean what I wanted it to mean—but I couldn’t help it.
I wanted to be in Liam’s future.
The waiter brought out our appetizers, which I couldn’t even pronounce. And my worry about the couple filming us quickly became overshadowed by how delicious the food was.
After our entrées were delivered, I caught Liam smiling at me while he burped a sleepy Samuel. I glanced down and realized that I’d been shoveling the food in my mouth in a half-dazed state. I was hungry, and the food felt like I was eating a dream. I could only imagine what I had looked like.
“Sorry,” I murmured as I set my fork down and grabbed a nearby napkin. I then nodded to Samuel. “Do you need me to take him?”
Liam tightened his grip on Samuel and turned him away from me. “Nope.” He nodded toward my plate. “Eat.”
I studied him for a moment before I picked up my fork and knife. There was so much that the world thought they knew about this man, but I was beginning to realize it wasn’t true.
The number of headlines that talked about Liam Carmichael, the playboy, made my head spin because it contrasted sharply against the Liam Carmichael sitting in front of me. The one who was holding my baby like he was his own. The one that seemed determined to put Samuel’s needs before his own.
Liam Carmichael, the family man.
I wanted to know more about that person.
“Tell me about your daughter,” I said as I scooped up some of the fluffiest mashed potatoes I’d ever had and slipped them into my mouth.
For the first time, Liam’s smile faded. It was startling because I was so used to his flirty, c’est la vie attitude, and this was the first time I saw his vulnerable side. I instantly regretted bringing up his daughter. I didn’t want to hurt him. It was apparent from his reaction that talking about her hurt.
“I mean, we don’t have to talk about her,” I hurried to add as I turned my attention back to my plate. My stomach squeezed as regret filled my body.
“It’s been over two years since I’ve seen her.” His voice was soft.
I lifted my gaze up to meet his.
“Not by choice. I want to see her.” He swallowed, his Adam’s apple moving up and down. The desperation in his gaze told me that he wanted me to believe him. That he needed me to believe him.
“But Katie…” He blew out his breath. “I don’t want to talk bad about my daughter’s mom, but she…” He paused like he was choosing his words carefully. “Katie has allowed other forces to dictate her feelings about me seeing our daughter. She’s come to the conclusion that it does more damage than good.”
