“Shh, shh,” I said as I reached down and picked him up. I glanced over at Sabrina, who was still fast asleep.
Not wanting him to wake her up, I held his head against my shoulder as I hurried out of the room, shutting the door behind me.
It was emotional whiplash to go from panic that I couldn’t get a hold of her, to relief that she was safe and asleep. I had no idea what I would’ve done if Frankie had actually done something to her. To Samuel.
A protective surge went through my body as I held onto Samuel tighter and began to shush him as I scanned the room for his diaper bag.
Luckily, Sabrina had left it next to the door. I grabbed the large strap and made my way over to the couch, where I set the bag down on the coffee table. With Samuel sitting on my leg, I began to search for a bottle and formula.
Everything was there, and in a matter of seconds, I had his bottle filled and was shaking it. Samuel was sniffling so hard that his whole body was shaking. Once he had the bottle securely in his mouth, I relaxed back against the couch and let my eyes close. I took in a few deep breaths to cleanse the lingering adrenaline that had been pulsing through my veins just moments ago.
Sabrina was safe. Samuel was safe.
Frankie’s threat had been just that. A threat.
I shook my head as the realization of what could have happened washed over me. My life was a mess. My finances were a mess. My ex was back in my life and using my daughter to manipulate me into giving her what she wanted. I was in a band I no longer loved, and I had to hide my identity so I could sing like I wanted to.
Why the hell had I brought Sabrina into this?
She didn’t deserve this. She was trying to start over, and I was dragging her down. Add to that the fact that she could be in physical danger because of me? I blew out my breath as I opened my eyes and stared hard at the windows.
I was selfish. I wanted her here with me because I was tired of being alone. Because I thought, somehow, that I could help her. That I could save her from her life in Harmony.
I wanted to believe that I could offer her an out, but it had become abundantly clear that I was trapping her as well as her hometown and sister had.
With me, her safety and her son were at risk.
I was the asshole who’d made her think being with me was better than what she had in Harmony.
I bet if she knew the kind of trouble I was in, she would pack her bags and leave. She was a strong woman who would do anything for her son. She would do the right thing.
Samuel began to relax in my arms. I glanced down to see his eyes were slits and his bottle was halfway finished. I pulled him closer to my chest and then bent down and pressed my lips to his forehead.
He was such a sweet baby. He deserved a happy life where things were safe and stable. Even if my life wasn’t such a shit show, the life of a rock star wasn’t ideal for a baby. I’d witnessed that firsthand. I’d dangled the carrot of a fun and exciting life, and of course a woman who felt trapped would snatch it up.
But that didn’t mean it was the right thing to do. I’d pulled her away from her life in Harmony with the allure of a better one. And yet, I couldn’t deliver on that promise. Sabrina had been nothing but stressed and overwhelmed since she got here.
That had nothing to do with her ability to do the job and everything to do with the situation. If I’d been a good guy, I would have encouraged her to stay in Harmony. Where she was safe. Where she had support.
“I’m a fool,” I whispered into the darkness.
Samuel’s bottle was empty so I wiggled it from his mouth. At first, he seemed content, but I watched his reaction as he realized that his bottle was no longer there. His little face scrunched up and began to redden as he let out a wail.
I shifted him to my shoulder, standing up and shushing him as I bounced. That seemed to calm him for a minute before he began to squawk again. I kept the pace of the bounce as I started walking around the living room. That movement seemed to calm him down, and he began to relax against me.
The silence in the room was driving me mad, so I started to hum my latest Drifter song. The humming turned into soft singing. Samuel was responding well to the music, so I began to sing a little bit louder. It was boosting my ego that my words—my song—was calming him down.
I'd shared so much of my art with Fading Atlas, and it wasn't until this moment that I realized how much of myself I had lost. Yet, with Drifter, I'd found myself again.
If loving you is violence
Let it leave me ruined, blessed
“Oh, my god.”
Sabrina’s voice caused my entire body to freeze. I glanced over to see her standing in the doorway, her eyes wide and her lips parted. Her hair was disheveled, and her cheeks were pink against her pale skin.
“You’re…” She paused as she pressed her fingers to her lips. “You’re…Drifter.”
