I knew Abigail meant well, but this wasn’t fair to me. She got my hopes up only to have them pop and drift to the floor.
“She’s right here,” I whispered as I nodded to Abigail and then turned and headed back to the bathroom.
Abigail sputtered, confused, as I walked away. I thought I heard her say, “It wasn’t supposed to be you,” but I didn’t turn around to clarify.
I just wanted to get ready and get to the library. Isabelle had welcomed me back with open arms, and my first task was to host the book club for her tonight. Sure, it wasn’t my favorite thing, but I was willing to do whatever she wanted if it meant I could start fresh and move forward.
That was all I cared about.
Once I was inside the bathroom, I shut the door and then collapsed against it. My entire body shook as I took in deep breaths. I was so very obviously not over Liam, and that angered me. Someone who was over her boss wouldn’t have reacted like I did at the thought of him standing on the other side of her door.
My reaction told me one thing: I still loved him. I was always going to love him.
“Damn you, Liam,” I whispered under my breath as I pushed off the door and made my way over to the mirror. Thankfully, I hadn’t put on makeup yet, because as I sectioned out my uncurled hair, tears began to slip down my cheeks.
I hated that I was so quick to cry over him. I hated that I’d let myself fall for a man I was never going to have. And I hated that he hadn’t come after me. It had been a week, and he was living his best life, catching bad guys and everything.
“It’s not fair,” I said as I picked up my curling iron and focused on my hair.
By the time my hair was done and my makeup was on, I had control over my emotions again. The tears were dry, and I was determined not to cry over Liam again. I’d seen him on the TV, and then Abigail and I had a momentary bout of insanity when we thought he was knocking on the door. But that was never going to happen again.
I was determined that today would be the funeral of our relationship. He was dead and buried to me.
My future started now.
Isabelle was all chatter as soon as I got to the library. She moved through the aisles of books, pointing out a few changes she’d made, interspersed with the latest Harmony Island drama.
Apparently, my sudden departure, mixed with my picture in the tabloids, had this town talking, and Isabelle didn’t hold back as she recounted everything she’d heard. “And I told Mrs. Pretty that I could not violate your trust by giving her any details,” Isabelle said, her gaze pinned on me.
We were standing in the children’s section of the library. She’d pointed out the two new colorful kid chairs, which had been delivered the day before, before getting to this bit of gossip. I shifted my gaze from the green chair to the red one and then glanced back over to Isabelle when she didn’t continue.
Her expression looked curious, and I wasn’t quite sure what she was getting at. Did she want me to tell her about what had happened with Liam? I adored my boss, but she was chatty. I was sure she meant well, but there were only so many times she could say, “I really shouldn’t be telling you this” and “swear you won’t tell another soul” before she’d told every single person in town.
So I just gave her an appreciative smile. “Thanks. I’m glad you kept everything on lockdown.”
Isabelle didn’t hide her disappointment. Her smile faltered as she drew her eyebrows together. Maybe someday I’d be comfortable enough to recount the entire story to her, but not today. Not with my wound still bleeding. Not when it physically hurt me to say his name.
“So what’s the book we’re talking about tonight?” I asked, hoping to get her to move on.
She paused. I could see her desire to push me for more information flash through her gaze before she sighed and waved for me to follow. “Wuthering Heights.”
“Oh,” I said. I hadn’t touched that book since senior-year lit, but I was sure I could find a good reader discussion list online.
“The ladies are excited to have you back,” she said as she led me over to the front desk.
There was something nostalgic about the space, but, at the same time, being here shattered my broken heart further. This was the first place where I’d truly felt like myself again after becoming a mom. This desk had been the first place Abigail, Trevor, or even Samuel couldn’t touch. It was the place I’d finally felt free.
It was also the first place I’d met Liam. I could still see him smiling down at me as he stood in front of the desk, asking me about Cole. I wanted to laugh at the memory of my confusion, thinking that Cole was an author or a character in a book, but I just wasn’t there yet. Maybe someday I could look back with fondness, but not today.
“I’m excited to meet with them again,” I said as I turned to smile at her.
I hoped that Isabelle didn’t notice the lull in our conversation as I stared at the front desk, reminiscing about Liam, but I’d hoped in vain. She was laser-focused on me as if she expected me to suddenly burst out in song as I regaled her with my time as an assistant to a rockstar.
She was going to be disappointed.
I kept our conversation light while she packed up her bags and then turned off the lights in her office. She lingered by the front desk for a few seconds past six, but I just smiled at her before I bounced a few times in the chair.
“Have a good night,” I offered. She just sighed, adjusted the strap of her bag on her shoulder, and returned the sentiment.
