I took a step closer, noting distantly that Olivia and Bianca stood a few feet away, unabashedly watching us but not close enough to eavesdrop.
I took a step closer so we could hear each other overthe surrounding crowd without shouting. “You were pretty incredible yourself.”
Her gaze flickered up to the stage and I caught a hint of that dreaminess again, but it was tampered by something else. Something bittersweet.
“I can’t believe you did it,” Collette said, her voice filled with awe. “I can’t believe you chose music over Yale.”
“I didn’t,” I said quickly. “Or at least, I hope I didn’t. I invited the recruiter here to watch me play. I thought maybe I could sell him on the fact that I’m more than football and good grades. I thought maybe he’d understand and…I don’t know. Maybe it’s wrong not to choose between the two but?—”
“It’s not wrong,” she interrupted. “It’s smart.”
I met her gaze head-on to see if she was being honest. But this was Collette, of course she was being honest. She was never anything less than honest with me, and she deserved the same. “I’m going to tell my dad,” I said.
Her lips hitched up in a cute little smile. “After tonight, I’d say you have to.”
I nodded. The thought wasn’t nearly as terrifying as it had once been. Making the decision to choose my own dreams over my father’s had been the hardest part. Now I was just seeing through what I’d started.
My father had been texting me all night asking me where I was and what I’d done. I planned to tell him on my own terms, just like I’dbeen hoping to explain everything to Collette in my own words on Monday before Bianca beat me to it. The thought made me desperate to explain now. The fact that she might still think I’d been somehow using her or been out to sabotage her…I couldn’t let it lie. “I’d prepared a speech.”
Of course, it probably would have helped if I hadn't blurted out the first words that popped into my head either.
Collette’s eyes were wide with surprise. “Excuse me?”
I drew in a deep breath. “The other day,” I said, clearing my throat and starting at the beginning. “At the studio, I’d had a speech prepared but Bianca beat me to it. I know what you think and?—”
“You can’t know what I think,” she interrupted. With a helpless shrug, she added, “How can you know what I think when I don’t even know myself?”
I nodded. “Fair enough. But that’s why I want to explain.”
Her lips twitched like she might say something, but she ended up nodding instead.
“I never set out to hurt you,” I started. “When you walked away from me, after our kiss, I thought that I needed to show you how much I believe in you, how I see you…”
Her eyes widened slightly at that.
“I wanted to show how I felt,” I said. “How Ifeel.”
She took a deep breath but she still didn’t speak.
“I wanted to show you that I could be the guy youwanted me to be. I could be strong and stand up to my father, and that we could go after our dreams together.”
Her eyes grew wide and alarmingly shiny even in the dark lighting of this club. I cursed myself for not finding a place more private, but I was tired of waiting. Tired of not speaking when I had the chance and tired of not going after what I wanted.
“I care about you as a friend, Collette, but I want to be more. I like you more than that, and I—” My throat temporarily froze at the sight of tears in her eyes. “I hope you feel the same about me, too.”
She didn’t answer but her big blue eyes held a world of emotions and that alone gave me hope. She wasn’t apathetic. She wasn’t running away in horror. Deep down I had to believe she felt it too, and right now I needed to have faith in that to do what I needed to do.
“I asked your mother for an audition slot for you, Collette. Forus.”
Her watery eyes met mine evenly but her trembling lower lip gave away the intensity of her emotions.
“I wanted to surprise you with the chance for us to perform together. I wanted to give you the opportunity to seize your dreams. And I’d hoped I could be at your side when you did it. I thought if we both showed our parents what we’re really about, maybe it would be easier.” I reached out and grasped her hands in mine, and squeezed. “I wanted to show you how much I believe in you.”
Even in this loud club, Iheard her catch her breath.
“But…” I started.
I sighed as a tear spilled over and trickled down her cheek with that ‘but.’
