I tried to swallow down the pain, thrusting my hands into my pockets. Maybe she’d come around. Maybe she’d learn to see her own beauty and maybe she’d get over these issues that were holding her back and keeping me at arm’s length. Maybe?—
“There you are.” The recruiter who I’d met just before the show was suddenly standing right next to me. “I thought you’d left before we could talk.”
I faked a smile and reached out to shake his proffered hand.
Luckily he led the conversation because I was spent. I managed to say all of the right responses, but my heart wasn’t into it. I barely managed to keep a smile on my face, not even when he said how impressed he was and told me how much he enjoyed seeing this side of a candidate—something real that didn’t show up on the transcripts.
I should have been happy. He was impressed, the plan seemingly worked. I hadn’t ruined my chances for the Ivy League, and I’d managed to live out a dream and help a friend.
As much as I tried to tell myself that the night had been a success, I wasn’t convinced. None of it seemed to matter. Collette had walked away.
She’d heard my offer—the big grand gesture to come clean to the world about who we were and what we wanted. She’d heard it and she’d left.
By the time I got home, all I could think about was the look in her eyes before she’d run. The sadness, the pain, but mostly…the resignation. Like she was giving up.
That was what made it so hard to hope. I had this deep, unsettling sensation that she’d given up—on herself, on her dreams, and on us.
What else mattered now that the girl I loved had walked away?
Maybe that was why I barelyflinched when I got home and ran right into a red-faced, thunderingly loud Dad. “What did you think you were doing?” he roared.
Chrissy must have been upstairs in bed—not asleep, no one could have slept with my father shouting like this. My mother sat quietly on the opposite side of the room, her lips pinched and the area around her eyes tight with tension.
“You embarrassed me tonight,” my father said as I dropped my guitar case next to the stairs. “You had no right to contact that recruiter?—”
“Actually, Dad, I had every right.” I spoke quietly. I refused to match my father’s anger. I didn’t want to be like him and it would be a slippery slope if I ever let him pull me down to his level. “It’s my future,” I said calmly. “So that makes it my right.”
My dad sputtered a bit—he wasn’t used to me fighting back.
But I wasn’t fighting. I was just finally standing up for myself. I was finally speaking the truth. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there for your fundraiser,” I said. “I try my best to help with the campaign stuff, but this time I’d made a commitment and you raised me to be the kind of man who honors his commitments.”
He was staring at me like I’d sprouted a second head while my mother’s eyes went comically wide.
“You raised me to be a leader, Dad.” I met his gaze head-on as I walked toward him. “That means it’s time for me to lead.” I crossed my arms. “It’s time for me to makemy own decisions, and to plan my own future.” I looked from him to my mom and back again. “Because that’s the kind of man you’ve raised me to be.”
Any other time I might have laughed at the way my dad’s mouth flapped open and shut. I’d never once seen him at a loss for words, and the sight would have been hilarious if I could feel anything.
As it was, I was weary and exhausted. I had a feeling that sensation was a relief compared to what I’d feel when it finally sank in that Collette didn’t choose me. That she might never choose me.
I turned and headed toward the staircase when it became clear that my parents were too stunned by my new attitude to form coherent words. I was exhausted and beat and I needed a hot shower and my bed.
I’d reached the bottom of the staircase when my dad finally managed. “Since when do you play in a band?”
I stopped. I turned. This, at least, was a valid question. “I don’t,” I said. “Not really. But I’ve been playing guitar for years.”
“You have?” My mother sounded so confused I almost felt sorry for her.
“I have.” I let out a sigh as I faced them fully. “I’m actually pretty good, too. The recruiter was impressed.”
“The recruiter.” My father’s face started to turn red which meant that I was done here. “I can’t believe you went behind our backs?—”
“I wouldn’t have had toif you’d ever listened to me,” I said. “I wouldn’t have had to sneak around if you’d ever once stopped and asked me what I wanted.”
Honestly, you’d have thought I’d just told them that Martians had invaded.
“All I’ve ever worried about is your future,” my father started.
“Yeah, the future you want for me,” I said. “But that’s not my future, that’s your dream.”
