Molly:Well, now I feel like an asshole.
Finn:Good. You should. I’m over here crying into my protein shake.
Finn:Have you named it yet?
Molly:My lump? I’m thinking Gizmo.
Finn:Like the Gremlin? Here for it.
Molly:Sugar Bean in 90?
His muscles unclenched. Having Molly there would help. Even if she sat a few tables away, her presence would still be reassuring, a reminder that he didn’tneedto let Meabh back into his life if he wasn’t feeling it. He’d at least hear her out. Then he’d make a decision.
***
Ninety minutes later, Finn held the door to the Sugar Bean open for Molly and followed her into the coffee shop. Meabh sat at a table in the corner, gnawing on her thumbnail. Finn froze. She looked good, better. Rosy cheeks, bright eyes, and shiny, combed hair. The last time he’d seen her, she’d been in a medication haze, her eyes were cloudy and her hair matted to her head.
She didn’t seem to have noticed him yet. A cool hand slid into his and gave a squeeze. Molly. She’d just been told she needed to have medical testing for an ominous lump in her breast and there she was, being strong and stoic for him. She was fearless. She squeezed again and he turned to face her. “I’ll be right over there, okay?”
He nodded, afraid if he opened his mouth he might cry at her. He clutched her hand for just a beat more before letting her go and making his way through the tables to the woman with red-rimmed eyes waiting for him. When she spied him, she stood, smoothing out her dress pants and blouse as she did.
“Finnegan.” Her quivery voice was barely a whisper, her lip trembled, and she wrung her hands. They twitched, as though she wanted to reach out and touch him.
“Hi. Can I get you a coffee?” His voice sounded like it belonged to someone else.
She cast a wary glance at Molly a few tables away before nodding.
“MoMo, you want a coffee?” Finn raised his voice to be heard over the din, drawing a few strange looks and wary glances from people at other tables, but he didn’t care. He was low on spoons and patience.
“Do bears shit in the woods?” Her arched eyebrow made him chuckle, easing the tension holding his muscles hostage. He ordered, waited, and carried the coffees to their owners before taking the seat facing his mom.
“Long time.” He ran a finger around the lip of the mug. Understatement of the year, but if he didn’t break the awkwardness, or fill the silence somehow, he would scream at the top of his voice, and he wasn’t sure he’d be able to stop.
She didn’t look up from her drink. “I’m sorry it’s taken so long. I really am. I needed to get better, to work on myself. Then I figured you needed space, and space stretched into years. I thought if you wanted to talk you’d reach out, and the silence grew louder and it was easier to just—”
“Make a new family with someone else and forget the old one?”
She recoiled as if he’d thrown acid over her. “I know we have a lot of ground to cover and things to talk about, but I am sorry. You look so much like your brother it was just so hard, Finnegan. I don’t mean to in any way blame you, or put any responsibility on you. You were just a child and you needed your parents. This is completely on me, and I know that. I know you might never forgive me. I’d deserve it. I know that too. I just… I had to try.”
He sipped his drink, his nerves thrumming like a fallen electrical cable bouncing on a road, sending sparks throughout his body. “Did you know he hit me?” He forced himself to watch her face, to study her for any reaction to his words.
Her cheek muscles twitched and she lowered her stare. She knew. “Not at first.” She glanced again at Molly over his shoulder. He’d deliberately sat with his back to her so he couldn’t see her. Strength radiated from her in waves, but he couldn’t handle looking at her while he talked to Meabh.
“She cares about you a great deal, doesn’t she?”
He nodded. She didn’t deserve details of his personal life, not yet, maybe not ever.
“Her mom came to see me in the hospital a few years back. She told me about your fath—him.”
It took everything he had to focus on his breathing and keep his limbs steady. He wanted nothing more than to punch the wall next to him, but he loved the Sugar Bean and didn’t want to get banned for life because of the asshole who whipped him with a belt. He’d stolen enough of Finn’s enjoyment.
He hadn’t known Mrs. Mo had gone to see her at the facility, but he hoped his face didn’t betray his ignorance.
“She told me he hurt you while I was gone.” Her voice broke, and tears trickled down her face. “I know it’s not an excuse, but I was drowning. I needed help and I didn’t know how to help anyone else when I was under water myself. I had no concept of just how broken I was until I got treatment.”
His breath caught. “I was just a child.”
“I know. I’m so sorry, Finnegan.” She picked up his hand in hers and stroked it with her thumb. “I know you’re angry, and you have every right to be.”
